Big Ugly Secrets and Pretty Little Lies
by TheGoatsOfTruthAreEatingGrass
Summary: 'What was that about' 'I don't know but I'm going to find out.' Dorcas rolled her eyes at me, 'You are so nosy'. 'Curious' I replaced smiling. What is your secret Remus Lupin? /Gwen was always too impatient and too curious to stay away from secrets, what happens when she bumps into Lupins. Her friend avoids her like the plague but she can't help it. She needs to know. RL/OC
1. Chapter 1: Faithful Saint Bernard

**Better Summary:**

**'What was****_ that_**** about?' 'I don't know but I'm going to find out.' Dorcas rolled her eyes at me, 'You are so nosy'. 'Curious' I replaced smiling. **

**What is your secret Remus Lupin? **

**Gwen was always too impatient and too curious to stay away from secrets, what happens when she bumps into Lupins. Her friend avoids her like she'd just developed symptoms of the Plague. But she can't help it. She wants to know.**

**Gwen is sick of being the sponge Lily uses to erase her rage from potter. She's sick of not having a date to the winter ball. She's sick of secrets. But she knows Remus Lupin has one, and she wants to know why he's so scared to tell her that he's avoiding her. **

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**Disclaimer ~ Everything you recognise belongs to Queen J. K. Rowling. My OC is Gwen. She's MINE.**

**This chapter is Brought to you because I have a Maths Exam on Monday and am procrastinating. Here's a slice of my procrastination. Enjoy it. And REVIEW.**

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**Chapter 1: Faithful saint Bernard.**

'Hey, you're Gwen, right?' a boys voice said above me. I looked up from my charms homework and saw that it was a Seventh year, a handsome seventh year in fact. He had shaggy auburn hair which matched his dark hazel eyes. Why on earth was this boy talking to me? I wanted to act casual. I smiled and nodded. 'That's me. Sorry, do I know you?'

I knew for a fact that I didn't know this boy, but seeing him run a hand through his hair; I couldn't help but want to change that. He shook his head, 'Probably not. I'm Andrew.' He offered his hand and I shook it once. Could this be it, could this be the person who was going to ask me to the winter ball in only two weeks? I held my breath and watched him.

He smiled almost dazed momentarily before he jumped and took out a book from his bag, 'Oh, cool, well...Professor McGonagall gave me this to give to you. You left it in her classroom apparently.' And he handed me my Transfiguration book. I hadn't realised I'd lost it. Then he smiled and walked off.

I sat there glaring at my transfiguration book for a while. Damn book - Why did things like this have to be the only reason guys wanted to speak to me? And was I ever going to get a stupid date to the winter ball!

You know what I don't even care - I didn't before. But maybe I'd expected at least one boy to ask me, just one. Hell, I might've gone and said no, but just to have been asked. I sighed and frowned. I sound like Dorcas. Yikes. I shook that off. I mean, it's not like any of the other girls in my year have boys running around after them asking them, so it shouldn't matter. Actually, you know what: it doesn't matter. I finished the conclusion of my charms essay with heightened spirits.

'GET LOST POTTER!' Lily shouted as she stormed into the common room. I sighed. Not again.

'But I would love to take you lily-flower, I'm so sorry I asked you wrong, I'll ask again later. I only wanted to see your laugh agai-' James Potter looked wounded and remorseful. He looked like he wanted to kick himself, but as he ran a hand through his hair and pushed his glasses up his nose with a palm of his hand- he tried again, 'Lily-flower, please will you go to the Winter ball with me?'

'I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE BALL WITH YOU!' She screamed right into his face. Then she stomped hard on his foot. Sirius black and a tired ill-looking Remus Lupin flanked him and had bored expressions on their faces. Peter however looked at lily in terror of her rage. Lily did look scary, but he should be used to it by now. I sighed again. We all were, especially me.

Lily stood behind me as potter cupped his wounded foot in his hands trying not to swear. I ignored her; I didn't want to get involved again. Lily was my best friend and I loved her- but recently this was just too much. I never had any peace with her and potter around.

'Lily flower please…' he practically begged. Lily turned around scowled at him.

'NO! N-O! CAN YOU HEAR THAT POTTER?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT POTTER?! WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO TO THE BALL WITH A COWARDLY, IDIOTIC, STUPID, ARROGANT, BULLYING SLIMEBALL LIKE YOU- I'D SOONER GO WITH THE GIANT SQUID. OR A Dementor!'

I winced as the venom rolled of her tongue into his ears. And I think he heard her. I had never seen James Potter look so heart-broken and demoralised than at that precise moment. He stood frozen.

Lily turned, clearly oblivious, and said to me, 'Gwen, let's go!' she grabbed my work and began to storm up the steps to the girls dorms. I sighed and slid out my chair to stand up.

I looked at James, he was still…broken. Sirius put a hand on his shoulder his face shocked at James' response- normally he laughed it off, raked a hand through his hair and then moved on to his next plan. I caught Sirius' eye and gave them all an apologetic look before following a fuming Lily upstairs.

She was pacing as I pushed open our dorm room door. She'd put my work on my bed, I went over to it and began to spell-check my essay. And then lily ranted, she moaned and stormed. Just like she always did; every single bad word directed at James.

And I tuned out. I tuned out and thought about Andrew again and I sighed. Just as lily screamed out:

'CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT HE ASKED ME TO THE BALL! THE NERVE! I HATE POTTER- HATE HIM! AND DO YOU KNOW HOW HE ASKED ME? I'LL TELL YOU: HE WROTE IT WITH FIREWORKS - FIREWORKS! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GREAT HALL WHERE EVERYBODY COULD SEE! AND THEN ABOUT 10 FIRST YEARS CARRIED BUNDLES OF ROSES DOWN THE TABLE! ROSES! DAMMIT I HATE HIM! STUPID POTTER!'

I felt a flicker of rage and my blood boiled slightly. 'Oh that sounds horrible.' I said coolly-sarcastically. That was so romantic and of course lily was ranting about it. How the hell did she _want_ a boy to ask her? Does she have any idea how bloody much everybody else wants to be admired like that?

Lily didn't notice my tone. 'I KNOW RIGHT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM! WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO ME! AND HE STOOD THERE SO SMUG-LIKE HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO SAY YES; AFTER EVERYTHING!'

I gritted my teeth and shoved my work off my bed. Silently, while lily ranted I went to bed. And her rant became the backing sound to my dreams as I dozed off, my final thought being that she probably wouldn't even notice that her audience wasn't conscious.

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**So that's chapter One, got a bit Stormy there. REVIEW please! I want to know if I should continue this thing. UPDATE COMING SUPER SOON! promise it'll be here within the week. But only if I get a pretty number of reviews... ;)**


	2. Chapter 2: The Almighty Love Doctor

**Hey, So here is Chapter 2! I promise to get a move on with the Lovey dovey secret stuff, let me just do it my way. Dude, it's only chapter 2 chill your beans. **

**Disclaimer ~ So...it was I who invented Harry Potter. Okay, you caught me- I'm kidding. Had you there for a second... you were like 'Woah - MY LIFE IS A LIE!' and all that Jazz. But no, it actually belongs to some chic called J.K. Rowling. huh. Except my OC- GWEN. SHE'S MINE! **

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**Chapter 2: The almighty love doctor**

I woke up the next day feeling horrid, and I soon gathered why as I looked at my watch- 4:06AM- seriously! But I knew that I couldn't sleep now. I had a shower and then crept through the dorm to the door, trying not to wake Marlene or Dorcas, and most importantly lily. It took her a good few days for her rants to dry up and fade out. I didn't want to face her right now.

I thought about lily as I walked to the great hall. I thought about how much she was changing. The time that she wasn't constantly talking about James was decreasing; he came up in EVERY conversation now. I and lily used to be so close, but now I couldn't help feel like I was doing a chore by being around her. I was always the person to listen to her ranting, to agree, to say 'No way!' and 'HE didn't' until she eventually ran out of rage. But I couldn't do that anymore.

She never used to get so angry. Last year she would never have stomped on James' foot, or screamed in his face, nor would she have grabbed my work and ordered me to follow her like some faithful st. Bernard. But this was our sixth year now. Lily was different. Maybe I was different too?

Regardless, I knew that I'd be spending a lot more of this year in the library by myself. I looked at my watch as I sat down on the Gryffindor table next to the only other person there. It was now 5:02AM- I don't think I've ever been down here so early. I filled up a plate and began to butter some toast as I greeted the lone marauder. 'Hey Remus.'

He looked at me and a small smile tugged on his lips. That's when I looked at him; really looked at him. He was ill again. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was sickly pale, and he looked like he hadn't slept at all.

'Hey Gwen you're up early?' he posed it like a question. But I was too worried as I looked at him. He noticed and his eyes widened slightly before he sucked in a breath and muttered, 'What?'

'Are you okay Remus? You're ill again. Maybe you should go see Miss Pomfrey.'

He smiled and shook his head, 'No, really I'm fine' I frowned. He didn't look fine. Why didn't he want to go to the hospital wing?

'I'll go with you if you want. Really, we could go now...' I tried but he shook his head smiling at me and waved his hands at me.

'Really, I'm fine. Just tired. It'll pass.'

'If you're sure…' I said eying him again like he might pass out at any second.

'I am. Now, are you going to tell me why you're up so early?' He said. I raised my eyebrows as he changed the topic.

'I woke up at four and I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.' I shrugged. He looked at me,

'And of course it has nothing to do with lily. Maybe you should just talk to her.' Remus had a knack for knowing this kind of thing and I'd stopped guessing how. I shook my head,

'Don't know what you're talking about…' I muttered.

He bumped my arm with his, 'Sure, well if you need a library partner this afternoon- I'm free.'

I smiled. That's what I liked about Remus- he didn't try to pull secrets out of you- he was a good friend. 'I may just hold you to that. So why are you awake?'

'I'm always awake at this time.' He said. I frowned,

'Really, _why_?' Why would anyone want to get up so early, every day?

He chuckled as I made a face, 'just because _you_ sleep like the dead doesn't mean it applies to us all'

'I do NOT sleep like the dead. I just like sleep. Besides how would you even know that?' None of my dorm roomies talk to him that much.

'I sit behind you in history of magic, remember?' It's true, and who can actually stay awake in that lesson anyway?

'Oh right.' I said and he chuckled softly. I bumped his arm, 'So, where's your little gang?'

He raised his eyebrows, 'Little gang? In bed. I should probably get them up soon.'

'You wake them up? Wait, what am I saying-of course you do'

Remus shrugged. 'Someone has to- or they'd never get out of Miss McGonagall's detentions. Well, I'm going to go wake them now- want to come?'

I snorted. 'I'll pass'

He rolled his eyes, 'Suit yourself.' And then he went off to wake up his friends. More students were waking up and coming down though it was barely past 6. Marlene came in and skimmed the hall until she saw me. She sighed relieved and flopped down beside me. 'Merlin, I thought you had been kidnapped!'

'Kidnapped…In a boarding school. Really?' I raised an eyebrow trying not to laugh. She did though.

'Well, what was I supposed to think when I woke up to see your bed empty.'

I frowned, 'Oh, I don't know- that I'd woken up early and had gone down for breakfast-like a normal person?'

She gave me a look, 'Be serious'

I rolled my eyes at her. Huh, was it really that hard to believe I would wake up early? Probably.

'so, lily is mad'

I sighed. 'yep' popping the 'P'.

Marlene ruffled her blond hair, 'Okay, so I was thinking I'd take her in the morning – so that's period 1 and 2 and then Dorcas will sit with her at lunch and then you can have her period 4 and 5 and then Dorcas said she'd have to have lily on prefect duty so… sound fair?'

I laughed- over the past couple of weeks we'd taken to babysitting lily when she was in a 'potter mood'. Then frowned. 'Wait, no way- She'll see potter at lunch so she'll be Fuming 4th period!'

'Tough- I already decided. And plus after you drifted off last night I was the one who had to listen to the encore.'

I sighed, 'This is getting ridiculous'

'Blame potter' she always said that during lily's 'potter moods' like it solved everything. But it didn't and I don't think James should take the wrap for lily overreacting. But I didn't say that aloud. Marlene would probably make a crack about me becoming bitter. I think I probably was.

'So, I cannot decide what to wear. Gold or red? See I found this gold dress in hogsmeade but I don't like the way it makes my hair look. It'll have to be red.' Marlene got asked to the dance by Jordon Adams. A seventh year ravenclaw. He seemed nice enough and he was charming enough. Dorcas always said she'd end up going out with a ravenclaw because her old boyfriend Marcus didn't challenge her enough- she needed someone who threatened to be smarter than her.

'I can't wait for hogsmeade tomorrow; seriously, I'm running low on sweets.'

'I ran out of sweets the day after our last trip Gwen, yours have lasted almost a whole week so I think you're getting better at rationing them out.'

'Hmm, or i just buy loads more than you guys'

'Or that.' Marlene chuckled.

'well, regardless I need more.'

'Do you like Amos?' She threw the question out bluntly.

'Who? Amos Diggory?'I said confused.

'Is there a different Amos?' she asked flatly.

'I don't know. Why?' I asked suspiciously. Marlene never mentioned a boy for no reason. She shrugged.

'Because he's been staring at you for a while now.'

My eyes darted to the hufflepuff table and roamed it until they met with amos's. He was looking our way, oblivious to his large group of friends laughing around him. He looked down at his food, busted. Well, he was definitely looking our way. 'Maybe he was looking at you?'

Marlene snorted disbelievingly, 'uh huh. Okay. So, do you like him?'

I sighed and thought about it, Marlene shook her head disappointed, 'babe if you have to think about it-the answer is no.'

I looked at her and laughed, 'Thank you almighty love doctor.' I said sarcastically.

She nodded, 'anytime'

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**Interesting...**

**Interesting?**

**yes, interesting ;)**

**REVIEW! Tell me what you think! I really want to know. Tell me if you'd like to see a little more of Amos Diggory... **

**TELL ME SOMETHING! :) and Hurry. NOW!**

**P.s Update is coming soon- on the 20th. pinky swear.**


	3. Chap 3: What Kind of Ill is 'Just ill'

**So I'm updating again- even though I should really be working. IF I FAIL ALL MY EXAMS THEN I'LL BLAME ALL OF YOU! But let's not think about that disgusting business. Let's think about Lupin and Let's think about his 'Furry little problem'... his badly behaved bunny rabbit I mean, of course..**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is all from J. 's brain. I'm jealous - we all are - let's move on. oh, and I own Gwen and Andrew.**

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Chapter 3: what kind of illness is 'just ill?'

'Thank merlin it's Friday! I don't think I could do another day of this...' I muttered as I corrected my Ancient Runes essay in the library with Remus.

'Hey you're nearly done' he looked at my essay and grinned. He had finished a good 10 minutes ago and was probably only still here because he didn't want to be mean and just walk off. I wouldn't have minded if he had, I mean this is so Booooring. I probably could have finished at the same time as him but I kept procrastinating and getting distracted. I had balanced a three pen tower that defied gravity beside me- I was pretty impressed with it- Remus had laughed when he had looked up at it.

He kept twitching.

I could see it in the corner of my eye as I scribbled down guesses in my essay. It was a small thing; like he couldn't control his muscles in brief tiny moments and then it would be fine again. After the third twitch I realised that it was more like he was tensing up at little moment and he had gritted his teeth. Was he in pain? Horror washed over me. He looked at me, 'What?' as if sensing my change.

'Are you okay Remus?' he seemed to look progressively more ill throughout the day though he kept insisting it would pass.

He frowned slightly and smiled, it was a combination of the two that only Remus could pull off without looking insane. 'Gwen, trust me- I'm fine'

'But you look like you're in pain, you keep…twitching.' I said trying as I had all day to convince him that he should go to the hospital wing.

His cheeks went a little rosy and he frowned, 'sorry I just…' but he didn't finish the sentence. I waited. Then he looked at my essay, 'Done?'

I sighed but let it go. Then I grinned holding it up, 'Yep!' I held it out to him to examine. This was standard procedure for Remus to check my work though we were working at the same level- he could always catch something I missed.

'It's perfect.' He said and smiled and he skimmed it. Wait, what?

'Come again?' I said. My essays were NEVER perfect.

He chuckled, 'It's perfect.' He repeated. 'They normally are, I just add in little things that don't matter.' Then he gave me the most dazzling sloppy smile I'd ever seen. I spaced out momentarily then snapped back up covering the gap with a chuckle.

'You really must be ill.' I said cheekily. He bumped my arm with his and rolled his eyes. Then he threw the parchment into my book and put it in my bag. I stood up. 'c'mon.'

He looked at me surprised; this is where we parted ways. He smiled amused as he stood up and through his shoulder bag over his shoulder. 'And where are we going?'

'You'll see.' I said and turned to go, Remus followed me.

We walked along the corridor and talked about Remus' fear of flying. 'I don't fear flying, I just suck at it and don't like it.' he said as he raked a hand through his hair- he seemed to do this absentmindedly- I think he's been around Sirius and James too much and it's rubbed off on him. I smiled.

'Well, what **do** you fear?' I stopped to look into his eyes.

'…You first.' He was good.

I shook my head, 'I asked you first'

'But I asked you to _go_ first'

'But you're in the marauders –AKA. Schools biggest troublemakers- if we ever fall out you'll use it to your advantage...' I said dramatically. He laughed and we began walking again.

'But why would we ever fall out?'

'I don't know. But we could' I said stubbornly sensing I was going to lose.

'Uh huh… So?'

I regretted starting this conversation. 'Spiders' I lied.

'Liar' he rolled his eyes as he smiled. He was always smiling even when he frowned or sighed or pretended to be angry. I swear it was contagious.

'We're here!' I said as I saw the hospital wings doors. Remus' eyes widened and he was about to walk away when I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

'Gwen! Wait!' as he ran to keep up with his hand wrapped in mine. The beds were all empty apart from one that had Sirius Black in holding a cloth to his head. He beamed as he saw us and jumped down from the bed and sauntered over.

'Moony! Gwenzy! What are you two doing here?!' his eyes fell down at our hands still wrapped together and he grinned to Remus. I dropped his hand looking away from them at the beds.

'Remus is ill.' I said as if it were obvious. I looked back to see them having some kind of mental conversation… or just gazing into each other's eyes. 'Why are you here?' I said looking the small cut on his forehead.

'Katy punched me.' he replied. I burst out laughing. He mock-scowled at me but I could tell he thought it was pretty funny too. Katy was a tiny shy ravenclaw who had been dating him for about three days. And she landed him in the hospital wing. I had to hold on to Remus' shoulder I was laughing so much.

Remus grinned, 'So, things are going well between you two then?'

I laughed harder. Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus still watching me, 'She got boring.'

I controlled it and sighed. 'Not boring!?' Sirius Black had a new girl on his arm every two weeks and they all either get boring, get annoying, too loud, too quiet, too kind, too jealous, too smiley or even too close to him. I felt like I should probably feel bad for these girls but I didn't I mean- who dates Sirius Black and expects him to want to keep you forever. He had a rep.

Sirius grinned, 'Yep. Plus, she hates quidditch.'

I froze, 'seriously?' What the hell is wrong with that girl! Remus rolled his eyes at me.

'Gwen! Don't encourage him!'

'Right, ur… that is… no reason to…not like someone' except that Quidditch is AWESOME!

Sirius chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me as if hearing how difficult that was to say. 'One more time?' he cupped his ear pretending he didn't hear.

'You heard. So, couldn't take a hit from Miss- quidditch-hater' I changed the topic grinning.

'Hey! The hit was fine- but she was wearing a ring and it sliced my forehead open.' he said defensively.

I looked at the tiny scar. 'Looks like you almost didn't make it there, Sirius'

He rolled his eyes, 'It was worse before!' he whined like a kid.

'Right, well-where's Miss Pomfrey? Remus is about to Die.' I said indicating to him and skimming the room in case Miss Pomfrey was hiding somewhere.

Remus gave me an exasperated look (still smiling) while Sirius chuckled, 'Gwen seriously? I'm Fine. Nothing Miss Pomfrey can give me will help.' Sirius laughing became momentarily fixed.

'And you know that for sure do you?' I said like a disbelieving mother would when a child makes a statement about how sweets were somehow good for them. Remus looked guilty for a second and looked at Sirius then at his shoes. I raised my eyebrows as Sirius boomed, 'POM POM!' Over my shoulder where Miss Pomfrey was standing.

She looked up from some papers she was reading and frowned as she saw Remus. Probably noticing how ill he looked. I walked over, 'Miss, I think Remus is coming down with something.' I heard a sigh behind me.

She looked at me and then at Remus before jumping up and examining him. 'Yes, you are just ill.' That was the quickest analysis ever- did she even really look at him? And what kind of ill? Just ill? 'Take this'- she gave him a small vial from her nurses coat. They shared a look and he drank it. was I the only one that found this suspicious, I don't know why just how they all (Sirius included) kept throwing glances at me like they were acting this out- trying to please me even. I twigged that whatever was wrong with Remus he knew what it was, all three did- and it was something they didn't want me to know. I sighed and played along.

Miss Pomfrey said, 'It won't work immediately, I suggest a good night's rest'. I noted that she always normally insisted a student stay in overnight. But not Remus. I walked back to the common room with Remus and Sirius and smiled pretending to listen to them talking.

I waved goodbye to them and headed up the steps:

Damn there was something going on.

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**Gwen has a wild imagination, she's curious and crazy. She thinks something is going on...**

**Next chapter is this chapter from Remus' POV and a little after... **

**TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! PLEASE WRITE A LITTLE COMMENT. IT CAN BE A COUPLE OF WORDS OR JUST A SENTENCE... OR A PARAGRAPH. PRETTY PLEASE! (you have to now- because the 'please' was pretty.) Okay, well. See you soon. Bye. **


	4. Chapter 4: Cage the Beast

**Guys, this Chapter is in Remus John Lupin's POV- it's what he thought of the last chapter. Very revealing I'll say. Enjoy this little lapse of control. After all that's when we say what we're really thinking, right?**

**Disclaimer: ALL HAIL QUEEN J. FOR IT WAS HER MAJESTY THAT BROUGHT THE HARRY POTTER WORLD AND ALL MARAUDERS.(OC is mine) I'm just here to make the dolls walk and talk. **

**DANCE PUPPETS DANCE! *cue evil laugh*. Okay, you can read the chapter now. **

**BUT FIRST: I would just like to add a big thank you to Made-in-Denmark for reading and reviewing. You make my day :) so thanks.**

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Chapter 4: Cage the beast and close the curtains.

RPOV:

I looked at Gwen as the neutral pain medication slid down my throat doing nothing. It was just for show, but as I saw the small frown on Gwen's face I knew it wasn't working. I heard her sigh.

She knows something's up. She's too smart- she's going to find out about me. She'll hate me. She'll think I'm a monster. I forced myself to relax and nod as Miss Pomfrey pretended to give me some advice.

I thought that would convince her but her frown deepened for some reason.

'Shall we go?' Sirius said to us casually, more casually than I could have right now. How could he remain so calm- couldn't he see her face.

She nodded absentmindedly and stepped out walking in front of us. Sirius gave me a 'Calm down, I got this' look and began talking to her about Katy. But I knew she wasn't listening, she just smiled and nodded when he paused and laughed when he did.

She's thinking. She'll add it up. I can tell. She'll figure it out. she looked at me again and then frowned. I laughed at whatever the hell Sirius was talking about pretending to also be listening.

Sirius seemed to gather that she wasn't listening as we reached the stairs up to the common room and instead tried to begin flirting with her. Something twisted even more inside me. but then I realised that she wasn't even paying enough attention to notice him. It became funny watching him get more and flirtier now determined to get her attention. She waved at us in the common room and then went to her dorm. Sirius looked exasperated beside me.

'How did she not even notice me?' He looked disgruntled.

'Padfoot, focus- she'll figure out what I am!' I gasped. 'She is the worst person who could POSSIBLY find out.'

Sirius rolled his eyes at me, 'Moony, in what world is she the WORST person who could find out?' a thought occurred to him and his eyes flashed darkly, 'Is she a gossiper?'

I saw the dark look in his eyes and worried for her, 'No! Well, I mean I don't think so...' I thought back. She doesn't gossip does she? I mean she didn't want to talk about how mad she was at lily earlier, and I knew she was mad-I saw the look in her eye when lily stomped on James' foot and took her work. And summoned her. She was mad but she didn't say anything. But she would about this, I'm a werewolf..

I ran to our dorm and began pacing. Sirius ran behind me and closed the door casting a silencing charm as he gave me a sideways look. He seemed to know I was about to lose it. James sat up looking at us and pulled out his wand sensing trouble, 'What happened?!'

Sirius didn't answer, he just watched me pace. Peter sat up on his bed and frowned, 'What… what's happening?'

Then Sirius filled them in. But I couldn't hear them anymore. I was panicking internally. James raised his eyebrows in shock but then as Sirius finished he sighed. 'Can we trust her?'

Sirius frowned and gave me a sideways look, 'I thought we could but Remus' reaction seems…' he watched me again. My heart ached and felt as though it was in my stomach as I pictured the look she would give me if she found out.

James looked at me too, 'Maybe if she did find out… maybe she wouldn't say-'

I snapped. 'OF COURSE SHE WOULD! I'm a WEREWOLF! For merlin's sake! Who would keep that a secret! I'm a MONSTER! I wouldn't blame her if she decided to tell everyone and anyone she could. LOOK AT ME!' but they already were. Sirius and James were shocked. I'd only snapped a couple of times before. Then they looked Angry. Peter was quivering as he watched me, recoiling into his pillow. I watched as James and Sirius slowly got madder.

James jumped up, 'Dammit Moony it doesn't MATTER!'

Sirius threw in a furious, 'YOU'RE NOT A FLIPPING MONSTER!'

But they were just too kind, they didn't see it- I didn't understand why that was- but it meant they didn't understand. They were like my mum, like family- they chose to look past it. How? I didn't know. But no-one else could ever do that.

I sank against the wall and crouched there trying not to cry, 'I don't want her to know. I don't want her to look at me like that. I know it's wrong- she _should_ know. But just a little longer. I want to be with her a little longer.' Not her. Why did it have to be her? Not Gwen.

James and Sirius sat on either side of me silently and peter sat in front of me. James patted my back, Sirius put his hand on my shoulder and peter smiled at me sadly. They were the greatest friends I could have asked for, I didn't deserve them. I really didn't.

James frowned trying to think things through then he beamed, 'So you like Gwen, huh?' Grinning-instantly pulling up the mood in the room. He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. I couldn't help but chuckle,

'Trust you Prongs, to take that from everything that just happened.'

'You're not denying it!' James gasped dramatically.

Sirius rolled his eyes, 'Moony, of course Prongs would take that from your madness- he's a soppy fool- I mean, look at how he is with '_lily-flower'_.' He dodged a punch from James. And continued, 'And Prongs: Moony has been nose over paws for Gwenzeey since third year! Every time he's with her he's practically floating on air' Prongs stopped trying to punch him and grinned at me.

'So _that's_ why you go to the library so often!' his eyes widened as he suddenly realised. He seemed to be thinking back, then he laughed, 'You're worse than me!'

I rolled my eyes smiling. Peter snorted, 'Yeah but Lily hates you, and Gwen doesn't hate Remus so…' his sentence faded out as James held up a pillow threatening him, while Sirius laughed loudly. James hit them all.

'You're all MEAN! Lily and I are going to get married some day!' he whined and messed up his hair more.

We all laughed harder earning us all a punch.

I sighed, 'What am I going to do?' I groaned. Today had gone so wrong.

James sighed, 'well, she hasn't worked it out yet- '

Sirius interrupted, 'So, we just make sure that she doesn't'

Peter nodded vigorously. I nodded, slightly worried about the look in Padfoot's eye.

Sirius looked at peter's watch suddenly, 'Moony, it's almost time.' We all walked over to the window. It was true. Four more hours and I'd be a beast.

We all looked at the moon with hatred as it threatened to become full. Then James closed the curtains. We still had four more hours before we would sneak down to the shrieking shack. We decided to play exploding snap.

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**Sirius kind of freaks me out sometimes.**

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**Update Coming Very Soon. **


	5. Chapter 5: A Secret

_**Please note that this chapter is Back in Gwen's POV and it's straight after she left Sirius and Remus in Chapter 3. Right, well- just wanted to clarify timing.**_

_**Disclaimer- J. owns harry potter and all HP Characters. I Own Malcolm, Gwen and Andrew though.**_

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Chapter 5: A Secret

When I got to my dorm I found Dorcas crying on her bed, lily and Marlene weren't there. I ran over to her and wrapped my arms around her. 'Dorcas?'

She grabbed me in a hug, 'Gwen? Oh, no- I'm fine. I'm just...' she pushed me back and tried to smile.

'What happened?'

'It's nothing. Really. I'm being stupid.' But she started crying again. 'It's Malcolm.' Malcolm had been her secret crush since third year. Only me, Lily and Marlene knew this though and now Lily and Marlene thought she was over it. She always said that she was. Malcolm and her were just friends to him and everyone else but ever since he caught her when she fell off her broomstick in third year she had always had feelings for him.

Feelings that meant she always knew where he was, if he entered the great hall she's spill her food on herself and blush when they spoke. Feelings that meant it hurt if he spoke to other girls.

'Oh Dor, what happened?' I could tell it was bad.

'I… I was on prefect duty with Alex by the great hall, and Malcolm' sniffle 'and lily were on their way to astronomy. And Alex was being boring, so' she sniffled. 'So, I went up to go see lily' sniffle, 'and I was at the top of the stairs and I' sniffle sniffle, I squeezed her shoulder. 'And I heard Malcolm ask lily to the Ball' she cried into my shoulder. I gasped. NO! Lily wouldn't.

'What happened?' I whispered.

'Lily… she… she said yes.' She cried. 'So I ran away before they saw me' I could scream at Lily, but I stopped myself.

She didn't know that Dorcas still liked him; I mean Dorcas pretended she was over it. And I knew Lily was still mad at James so of course she'd go with Malcolm. She should have just _known_ though! I mean Dorcas sucked at being subtle. Well, she sucked around _me. _

Oh I was going to yell at Lily when she got back.

Dorcas felt me tense and stopped sniffling to look at my set jaw, 'No! Please don't tell her! I don't want… I don't want her to know!'

'But Dorkeey, she can't- '

Dorcas interrupted me, 'Yes she can. She can go with him. I don't care about him anymore.'

But she did though. I sighed,

'Fine, I won't tell her. But maybe you should. She shouldn't have done that.'

'She didn't know'

'Well, she _should_ have known.'

So I let Dorcas cry into my shoulder until she couldn't' cry anymore and then she pulled away, wiping her eyes. 'I'll be fine now, sorry'

I rolled my eyes, only Dorcas would apologise for having feelings. I grinned at her, 'Want to hear something funny?

Dorcas smiled at me and nodded, 'Please'

'You'll never guess who was in the Hospital wing and why he was there' and I went on to tell her about Sirius being taken down by little shy Katy. She burst out laughing as I retold the story and how he whined in defence. She shook her head laughing, 'you're lying?! Is this the same Sirius Black?'

'I swear by every word. So, where is Marlene?'

'With Jordon, they're probably snogging in the common room. Oh! That reminds me, Amos Diggory asked me about you today!' she jumped up like a puppy.

'What? Why?' I looked at her curiously, remembering the looks he'd sent towards me and Marlene earlier.

'He asked me if you were trying out for the team again this year!' I rolled my eyes in disappointment, quidditch. Of course.

'I hope you told him that they couldn't kick me of the team even if they wanted too!'

Dorcas nodded, 'yeah I said that. He nodded and walked away.' oh. Hufflepuffs getting competitive this year? Bring it ON!

Dorcas said something else but I was thinking about when try-outs were so I missed it. 'Hmmm?' I said, focusing on the present as she waved a hand in front of my eyes.

She smiled, 'I said: Do you think he'll ask you to the ball?'

I shook my head, 'No, we don't know anything about each other.'

'And what if he did ask you, would you say yes?'

'Depends' I said non-committedly

'On what?' she leaned in, interest in her eyes. I never spoke about boys.

'On the weather.' I grinned as she rolled her eyes at me disappointed with my lack of girlyness.

'So, you went to the library with Remus again today.' She stated smiling.

'That is a fact, yes.' I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously, sensing she was about to begin insinuating something. But she chuckled and held up her hands in defence.

'Okay, fine. I get it.'

But now that she'd brought up Remus it reminded me of what had happened in the hospital wing. He had a secret.

And I was curious.

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**_Big things are coming up so hold on to your hats people. I have now just completed Chapter 19 and ideas are still coming strong. Please Leave a Review, even if you don't have a log in because I see a lot of my readers don't._**

**_Can I also add that I think it's really amazing how many people are viewing from around the globe. It makes me all fuzzy and giddy. So, if you don't review (please do) then keep reading because it makes me so happy when I see my traffic stats:) Hey might want to follow because I'm in some kind of updating frenzy. It's taking everything i have to ration it out over just a day._**

**_Next chapter: The Weakest Link_**

**_(let's just say if you were after a secret the marauders were keeping, which one is most likely to spill...- Oh Rats! Have I said too much? ;)_**


	6. Chapter 6 (and7) : The Weakest Link

_**I combined two small chapters in this one because they add up to 1,577 words and they fit. **_

_**Also would like to say THANK YOU to my first favouriter: Vixeona and another beautiful Reviewer: HauntedPumpkin56. Not forgetting my amazing followers. Thanks. **_

_**I officially love you all :) okay. **_

_**-this chapter starts in Gwen POV.**_

_**-Disclaimer- J. K. Rowling discovered the Harry Potter World and Everything from it you recognise is hers. My O.C's are mine-Gwen, Andrew and Malcolm.**_

_**Enjoy it.**_

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Chapter 6: The Weakest Link

Breakfast (GPOV)

Where was he? I looked over at ¾ of the marauders disappointed. I wanted to know Remus' secret and had devised a plan to trick it out of him. But he wasn't there.

'Who are you gawping at?' Lily said from opposite me. I threw my head in the opposite direction to where I'd been looking.

'no-one' I replied.

Lily was sitting right beside Malcolm, so naturally Dorcas was on the other side of me doing her charms essay that we had only just been set yesterday. Marlene was on my other side and was glaring at Jordon. They'd 'decided' to go on a break. Which she was fine with until she realised it left her dateless for the ball. She was supposed to get her dress today too.

Lily looked at the marauders, 'Gwen, Why were you looking at _them_?' she said loudly and they looked over to us.

Sirius muttered something to James who chuckled. Lily scowled at Sirius who in return gave her the finger. I gasped grinning at his antics.

James' eyes widened in shock and he knocked Sirius' hand down then gave lily the soppiest apologetic smile ever. Sirius caught my eye and frowned at me. He muttered something to James who then frowned at me also, his eyebrows creasing with…. Worry?

Then James noticed Lily put her hand in Malcolm's.

I sighed as his face went red and he drew out his wand. Suddenly Malcolm flew across the room. Marlene yelped, Sirius laughed loudly, Lily was about to explode the only thing stopping her from ripping off James' head was her need to see if Malcolm was okay. James seemed to only look angrier when he saw her run off towards Malcolm, Dorcas look up concern all over her face. I heard her suck in a breath as she saw lily drop down and pull Malcolm up. Then she looked at her work again scribbling things down frantically.

And me? I muttered 'be right back' to Dorcas before going after the marauders weakest link.

'Hey Peter' I greeted him as I slid in the seat beside him.

James and Sirius were arguing with lily and Malcolm now and so he was left unattended. He gave me a shocked look and seemed to be mentally begging James and Sirius to come back. Then he raked a hand in his hair, seriously- why do they all do that?

'Hey Gwen'

'So, how are you Peter?

'I'm fine.'

'You look kind of tired? Big night last night?' Marauders were well known for their parties. But I knew there wasn't a party on last night- so how come the marauders were all so tired. And Remus was absent?

He looked at me with wide terrified eyes that seemed to say that he knew that I was onto them. He was guarding a secret I could feel it. Something to do with Remus; something to do with Remus being ill? He shrugged attempting to be casual.

'So, are you four going to hogsmeade later?' I tried again.

'Um, yep. Why?'

I shrugged casually, 'curious. Hey, so, where is Remus this morning?' I jumped to the point because I couldn't hear Malcolm and James fighting anymore meaning they were on their way over.

'uh…Why?' It's on the tip of his tongue but it wasn't going to spill over. Not yet.

'Well, I have to give him a book he accidently left with me.' Lies. Peter bought it and nodded.

'He's at his mums, she is really ill, if you give me the book I could give it to him though.'

I frowned nodding. That wasn't what I had been expecting, what _had_ I been expecting? Was he lying? But why would he lie. I sighed. Maybe I'm going crazy.

But Just then Sirius and James sprinted over glaring at me. I frowned at them. What had I done? If there was no secret then why were they all acting so weird? Sirius sat beside me and threw an arm over my shoulder. 'What are you two talking about here then?'

'Hogsmeade.' I muttered knowing I wasn't going to get any other information from them now. I got up.

Peter looked up at me, 'Don't you want to give me that book for Remus?'

Sirius' eyes flashed dangerously, 'What book?' he gave me a look that said he knew my whole plan.

Oh crap, how to stop them knowing said book doesn't exist. I smiled, 'Oh, I left it in my dorm.' Then I rolled my eyes at my own klutziness. Peter nodded but Sirius was glaring at me.

I began to walk away then I considered something, 'Peter, what did you mean?'

'What?' he said smiling.

'What did you mean when you said you could get it to him, before I could? If he _is_ at his mums… surely...' The expression on the three boys' faces made me sure that I'd hit the jackpot though it was a total guess on my part. Peter looked ready to vomit, Sirius looked murderous and pale and James had shocked eyes.

Sirius jumped in, 'The mail, we'd send it to him.'

'Oh.' But the way the others sighed with relief got me thinking.

Something BIG was going on. I hope Remus is alright.

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_**Chapter 7: The Slip**_

Chapter 7: the slip.

Remus'POV:

I was slowly brought to consciousness by the voices of my friends, I listened to them trying to guess what they were talking about, wanting to fall back into sleep.

'Moony?' that was Prong's voice.

'No, let him sleep- tell him later.' Padfoot hushed him.

'I'm not telling him! I like my head attached to my neck thank you very much Padfoot.'

'Peter can do it! He did it!'

'What? i… I'

'Padfoot no, we'll all do it.'

'Fine. MOONY I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR US, YOUR EYELIDS ARE TWITCHING!' I groaned as Padfoots voice tore at my fading dreams.

'Sirius Black! Control yourself or you'll be out! Leave Remus to rest.' A voice floated around me sounding like madam Pomfreys.

'Yes pompom.' Sirius said sweetly.

Then I felt a sharp hit on my arm. Son of a- did he just punch me?

I opened my eyes to glare at them all. 'Git' I muttered.

'Oh, Remmypoo you're awake?!' Sirius said in a surprised way-too-innocent tone. James and Peter chuckled.

'Whasgoingon?' my voice slurred together, thick with sleep. There was no immediate answer and I heard the shuffling of feet.

I opened my eyes properly and glared at the blinding light. I was always so exhausted after the full moon, but padfoot, prongs and wormtail stood at the foot of my bed giving me worried looks. Wormtail looked guilty. James looked confused and worried and Sirius was glaring at my bed covers like he was annoyed with himself.

Oh no. 'What happened?'

Sirius frowned, 'Gwenzy is cleverer than we previously imagined.'

I jumped up to a sitting position ignoring the stabbing pains all along my chest and spine. 'WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!'

Miss Pomfrey glared at me from her desk. I muttered a sorry, and stared at them.

James went first, 'It was my fault, well, when we got in the great hall she kept looking at us- probably seeing you weren't there. But she didn't come over like we expected her to, instead.. '

Sirius took over, 'Lily and Malcolm are dating, so James hexed Malcolm and I went over to help and told peter to guard my food.'

Peter nodded. James carried the story on as I gave them confused looks, 'and so we were sorting out Malcolm and then we turned around and saw Gwen Pestering Wormtail.'

I swore; she was clever. Wormtail was the one most likely to mix up the story or make a mistake- he got nervous around girls. She knew? Did she tell someone? Did she scream? Is it my last year at Hogwarts?

James saw my face and ran through the rest of the story, 'So Wormtail said she started talking about hogsmeade and about how tired we looked.'

Wormtail jumped in, 'and asked me where you were, and I asked why and she said that she had one of your books to give back to you...' he looked at me hoping it was the truth. I frowned.

I didn't recall giving her a book, must have been a ploy. By the look on peter's face it worked, 'What did you say?'

'I said, I said you were at your mums'

I flopped back down sighing in relief. It's all fine- she doesn't suspect a thing. But then I saw that the looks on their faces got guiltier. I gulped, 'there's more?'

Sirius coughed, 'wormtail slipped up a little, he said that she could leave the book with him or something and anyway she said something like, 'why would I leave it with you if Remus _is_ at his mums' she's onto us moony. You've got to stop talking to her.'

James nodded,' she'll find out moony'

They saw the look on my face and Sirius smiled, 'not permanently- just, just until this all blows over- till she gives up and forgets.' I sighed.

Damn the wolf, he always wins. I nodded.

'Now get your arse up, we're going to Hogsmeade' Padfoot grinned.

I groaned and then prongs handed the pain medication by my bed. I drank it and started to feel better. 'Okay, give me a minute.'

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_**So he's going to stay away from her? hmmm... **_

_**I know these weren't as interesting as they could have been but they are necessary to the plot. Well Review on the two chapters. **_

_**Next one is longer: Shake up the rage and open the Lid. **_

_**Review please.**_


	7. Chap 8: Shake a bottle and open the lid

_**Okay, the update is here. I'm in a rush so forgive the half-assed editing. I think I caught everything though so it's okay. Thank you for your interest- :) thank you for reading this far in.**_

_**THANKYOU TO MY AMAZING 7 FOLLOWERS! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! AND MY LOVELY 4 FAVOURITERS! **_

_**Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns Characters from Harry Potter. So don't be all like, 'Wow this person invented the marauders' to me because then I'll feel all guilty and stuff. :P**_

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Chapter 8: Shake the bottle and open the lid.

'How dare he? Who the hell does he think he is anyway? He doesn't own me! He doesn't control me-if i want to be with Malcolm then it's none of his business is it?' my red headed friend angrily bit out while we walked to honeydukes. I shook my head. I was on lily duty apparently as Marlene had bailed because she had rekindled things with Jordon and was spending the day in hogsmeade with him and Dorcas was pretending she had loads of work to do and so couldn't come.

I knew for a fact that she had done all her work for the next 2 weeks. She didn't want to come because we were meeting Malcolm and his friends to get butterbeer as lily seemed only to get more attached to him now that James had pulled that little stunt.

'And did you see the way he just stood up and cursed Malcolm!' yes, I was there. Don't be bitter. It was kind of hard to not be bitter when these comments were looping like a broken record all morning.

'Do you actually like Malcolm?' I blurted without thinking. My thoughts were with the heart broken Dorcas and I couldn't help but feel like lily was only interested in Malcolm to get back at James.

She looked at me and frowned, 'Yes, he's the perfect gentleman' she said as though that finishes the topic. Very convincing. Her eyes narrowed slightly, 'Why? Don't you like him?'

'No, he's fine I guess. Little dense' I mean he didn't realise Dorcas was utterly dazzled by him… 'but fine.'

'So why'd you ask?'

'I don't know just you never seem to talk about _him'_ I emphasised him letting her know that I was saying: you just talk about James.

Lily crossed her arms over her chest, 'What's that supposed to mean?'

I sighed, now she was mad at me. 'C'mon, you've never even _mentioned _Malcolm before'

'So?'

'Never mind' I sighed. She knew_ exactly_ what I meant but was purposefully being stubborn.

'No tell me Gwen' she had moved back creating a space between her.

I shrugged disliking the distance while muttering 'It doesn't matter'

'It obviously does' She glared at me.

I tried to shrug it off pretending to be interested in a poster on the walls of honeydukes but I felt her piercing glare on me. She wasn't going to let this go. I blurted 'just, you talk about James a lot more than you talk about Malcolm.'

'Are you insinuating what it think you're trying to?'

I winced at the venom leaking into her voice. 'no just-I don't think you know Malcolm enough to suddenly be going to the dance with him.' I'd said it. I turned back to the poster- what is wrong with me- do I suddenly dislike having friends or something?

'what? so is this about Malcolm or James?'

'I don't know. Malcolm, I guess.' It was about Malcolm, and by that I mean it's about Dorcas- and its about Lily not knowing and ranting about James. So, I guess it's about james too.

'Why do you suddenly care about Malcolm?' she huffed angrily.

'I don't think he should be led on' it slipped before I could catch it. I watched her face go the angry red it does with James. Crap.

'Led on?!' She screeched at me.

I stood my ground, 'yes, that's what I said'.

'You think i'm leading him on? For what 'kicks'?'. No, to get back at James but I wasn't stupid enough to say that right now.

I stayed silent. Her glower increased as she guessed what was left unsaid.

'Oh, so this is about James!'

'Well, yeah-like everything else-it's about James' I was getting angry now. I realised I wanted to have this fight with her- I wanted to tell her to shut up about James. I wanted to be mad at her.

'What does that mean?!' she bristled dangerously.

'That means that all you EVER talk about now is James this and James that. You never quit.' The words came easily now, I'd been bottling this for weeks.

She was seeing red too, 'because he's a jerk who tries his best to make my life a living hell.'

Merlin, is that what she thought? 'Yep, that's what he's trying to do.' I said sarcastically.

She looked murderous. 'You know what I think I'll meet Malcolm alone'

My chest burned and I felt tears in the corners of my eyes ready to surface. We never fought like this. I glowered at her, 'fine. Have fun with your 'perfect gentleman'.' I quoted her angrily.

'Oh i will' she glowered at me.

But I couldn't seem to shut up, I wasn't done yet 'yep, I bet James will be all you talk about!'

She stepped further away from me, 'how dare you! You know what you're just jealous- you like Malcolm!'

I stood there frozen. Oh my merlin. This girl doesn't know me at all. 'Wow, good one. Hit and miss. That's totally it-couldn't be anything I _just_ said to you! It's that-I'm in love with Malcolm.' I said trying to make her feel dumb-she should feel dumb, I can't even believe this.

She sniffed at me and looked over her shoulder, 'you know what-I'm going to be late'

I took a step back, 'Yeah, tell Malcolm I said hey. And also that i'm sorry'

'You're sorry?' she glowered at me sensing an insult coming.

Don't say it. Don't say it. I said it: 'I'm sorry he has to be the one to have to endure your stupid, pathetic constant ranting and be the one being strung along just to get one over on potter!'

Her eyes flashed and I knew her thoughts had turned murderous, 'How can you even say that?'

Tears threatened to show now so I turned around muttering, 'Easily Lily, Easily.'

She stormed off, red hair whipping through the air as she fumed furiously. I went back to the castle.

What the hell just happened?

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_**Oh dear. But c'mon you had to see this fight coming...**_

_**UPDATE ON THE WAY TOMORROW.**_

_**Only if I get a comment. **_

_**Yeah that's right- I said, 'Only if'. Feel the pressure, let it soak in. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! please!**_


	8. Chapter 9: Maybe Another Time

**_I cannot believe it- I love you guys. Thank you so much for the Reviews! I am so happy :D So here is the update. Enjoy_**

**_Disclaimer: Harry Potter Belongs to J. K. Rowling. May she return to it someday and live forever. *sigh in wonder* Amen._**

* * *

Chapter 9: Maybe another time.

I stormed back into school and into my dorm where I shuffled to my bed and flopped against it exasperated with everything. Dorcas jumped up on her bed at my sudden entrance and tried to smother her sniffles and claw her teary skin until no evidence remained. I let her do this because she wouldn't have liked it if i she thought I kept seeing her like that so I pretended not to notice as I slammed my head into my pillow angrily.

'What's up with you?' Dorcas called her voice a little thick, she coughed and cleared her throat.

'iaadafutofillyee' I said into my pillow to her.

She chuckled confused, 'Yeah, I totally understood that.'

I sighed and pulled my head out of my pillow to look at her. I didn't want to tell her or anyone. I felt guilty. I was in the wrong.

No I wasn't. I raised my head, 'I had a fight with Lily' the guilt flooded back in but I squashed it instead trying to think of more reasons why I should be angry at her.

Dorcas stopped smiling and she shook her head looking guilty and sad, 'because of me? I didn't want this. I didn't want you two to… you know forget it, I lied- I don't like Malcolm.' She said. She was really going to try that again.

I frowned at her knowingly.

'I didn't want this…You and Lily have been best friends since first year Gwen and now…now I've gone and-' she was on the brim of tears again, i rushed to interrupt.

'Dorkeeeeeey, This fight wasn't just about you- it was about James and her and me. It was coming up anyway. I just couldn't listen to her anymore. I'm done'

She looked at me and bit her lip but she didn't make any move to contradict me nor did she seem surprised by what I'd said though I didn't tell her about how I'd been feeling these last few weeks. She must have noticed I was avoiding lily just like Remus had. 'Actually I kind of saw this coming, you've been mad at her for a while now. I'm actually surprised you lasted this long- you suck at bottling things up- you're the least patient person I know.' She said smiling fondly at me.

I frowned. 'You're not mad at me, going to force me to apologise or going to tell me I'm overreacting?' Dorcas was nothing if not the peacemaker.

She gnawed on her lip before shaking her head, 'I'm not mad at you because I understand why you did it, I'm not going to force you to apologise because you _both_ need to apologise and you're only overreacting a little bit. It's forgivable.'

'Uh huh' I smiled at her weird logic and looked over into my bookshelf looking for a book to stop me thinking about what I had just done.

The only other serious fight we'd had was when I had helped put a potion together for Sirius, James, Remus and Peter for one of their pranks. I didn't know their target was Severus Snape and that he'd be in the hospital wing for two weeks croaking like a frog and breathing out bubbles into the room- how could I? Well, that fight had separated us for four days but it was nowhere as big as this one.

Dorcas was watching me as I failed to pick a book that I felt like reading, 'You need some new books. We could still make hogsmeade if you want?'

I looked at my watch, we did have a couple more hours left to the day and if I didn't go now I'd have to wait until next Saturday and that would be looong. Plus Dorcas still looked a little sniffly; maybe a little sun wouldn't hurt.

As soon as we got into hogsmeade it started raining. Heavily. We laughed as we both glared at the sky and then it started hailing, we screamed and ran for cover in gonkos. The closest shop.

We ran to the doors and suddenly I was being tugged backwards as Dorcas slipped on the wet floor and had tugged my arm to steady her. We both fell backwards.

We looked at each other through the thick rain and burst out laughing. I pulled her up as she sat in a puddle and we jumped into Gonkos still laughing.

Dorcas laughed as her hair slopped stuck to her cheeks and it began to curl 'Nooooo!' she groaned laughing.

We were drenched.

Half the shop was looking at us like we were the weirdest people alive while the other half had ran in from the rain with us and were either laughing with us or scowling down at their wet attire. I looked about the shop and spotted Remus looking at us. I felt my face burning suddenly as I realised he must of witnessed my ungraceful fall. He was grinning and walked over to us.

Sirius and James were arguing about which colour paint balls would look nicer on Filch's cat when Remus walked past them to us, they looked up curiously and looked over to us. Their faces settled on me and suddenly there smiles became grim.

What was that about? Did James hate me now because of my fight with lily? I doubted that she had told him but why else would he be glaring at me now? And why was Sirius glaring? I smiled at them sweetly making them realise they were scowling. They straightened their faces fixed on smiles and followed Remus over to us.

Dorcas giggled suddenly, I looked at her curiously and she was looking at me. I raised my eyebrow but she just gave me her 'I'm innocent' look.

Remus called, 'Hey I saw your fall, are you girls alright?' His voice almost sounded seductive. What? What am I even thinking? This is Remus… Lupin. My friend. I discarded the thoughts that were leaking into my head.

Dorcas smiled, 'Yeah we're fine. Wet, but fine.'

I hadn't seen Remus since he went to his mums and now I looked at his face. He looked less pale, his cheeks a little rosy and his eyes had that little sparkle in them again. I inspected him to see if he held any of the symptoms he'd had before. He didn't. But then I looked at his neck. A long scar wrapped over his collarbone and up his neck. It had little pink indents around it and for a second I thought it looked like a bite? What? But that was stupid. How would that even happen?

I didn't realise I was staring until Remus went a little bit more red as he watched me. Dorcas cleared her throat trying to call me back and I jumped. Sirius and James were narrowing their eyes at me.

'Gwen?' Remus mumbled uncertainly.

'Um, sorry. Just, you look better. You aren't ill anymore. That's good.' I explained. I saw Dorcas grin in the corner of my eye. I know i sounded like an idiot but I couldn't very well say that I'd been staring at his scar imagining any scenario that would make it make sense if it were a bite. That sounded weirder.

Remus shifted on one foot to the other and then shoved his hands in his pockets, 'Yeah' he said non-committedly. I felt my eyes narrow at his dodgy behaviour. I want to know what you're hiding Remus John Lupin.

James jumped in, 'Is Lily still on her date?'

The effect was immediate, Dorcas looked down at her jacket and pretended to be scratching at an invisible spot of dirt. While I just felt angry and then guilty and then angry that I should be the one to feel guilty.

'I don't know.' I said my voice containing some misdirected malice.

James looked a little shocked at my sudden change, 'What?'

'Nothing. Sorry, yeah she probably is.' I muttered. Dorcas still swiped at the invisible spot.

I felt for her and changed the conversation to a random topic, 'So, is your mum better too Remus?' okay maybe the topic wasn't that random…

'er, yeah she's fine' he said while looking at Dorcas.

Dorcas looked up, 'Right, well, Gwen shall we go to the bookstore or…?' I jumped again from looking at Remus.

'Um, what? Yes. Yeah, let's go.' I said looking around - I'm not sure what for.

Remus stepped towards us, 'Hey we were just going there; we'll go with you.'

Sirius rolled his eyes before saying, 'No we weren't and no we won't.'

Remus gave him a look and then they shared a little mental conversation again before Sirius said, 'You should stay away from those books Remus' they shared another look.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at Dorcas. She gave me a look that told me she was just as confused. We shrugged at each other.

Then Remus turned back to me and said, 'Maybe another time.'

I frowned but then smiled. 'Cool, well-see you later'

'Bye' they chorused as we left.

Dorcas turned to me as soon as they were out of earshot, 'What was _that _about?'

'I don't know but I want to find out.' I said trying to add up everything that has happened and connect the dots.

Dorcas rolled her eyes at me, 'You are so nosy'

'Curious.' I replaced her word though I knew I was nosy. Curious sounds better.

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_**Maybe another time... Oh dear, what a liar that boy is... Tut tut tut. **_

_**Okay well REVIEW because... *running out of reasons* because I said so! You absolutely MUST! **_

_**I'll be refreshing my page hoping. hoping. **_**hoping.**

_**UPDATE COMING AS SOON AS I FEEL REVIEWED UP! ;) (wow. I'm such a dork)**_


	9. Chapter 10: Gwen's Next Four Days

_**This Chapter is just about the next 4 days for Gwen. (going to be compared with Remmy's)**_

_**Disclaimer~J. Owns The Magical Land of Harry Potter with everyone except my Gwen, Andrew and Malcolm.**_

_**Enjoy. ALSO THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I've just seen that I have like over 400 reads and that screwing with my head- so many people. Thank you so much.**_

_**Keep Reading.**_

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Chapter 10: Gwen's Next Four Days

It's been four days and Lily still won't speak to me. Hell, I'm not speaking to her either but this is weird. It's weird because we've been partners in almost everything since 1st year. It's weird because Lily and I always make up. It's weird because I should feel sorry but I don't.

It probably has something to do with the fact that she now sits with Malcolm on the Ravenclaw table; holding his hand and laughing and hugging and pecking each other's cheeks. Every time they touch Dorcas practically winces. It's hard to watch.

They were about to kiss in potions yesterday when Dorcas gripped my arm tightly. I rolled my eyes at how dramatic she was steadily getting but inside I was trying to think of what to do. I did the only logical thing that any smart thinking person would do:

I tipped our cauldron over.

It fell on the floor with a loud thwack and the neutral goo went all over the floor beside Lily and Malcolm. The loud bang stopped them kissing and Lily glowered at me. I smiled sickly-sweetly back.

Dorcas didn't want to take sides but with her inability to be around Lily and Malcolm she's at my shoulder more than ever. Marlene was shocked when she heard.

'You had a fight?' She said when she saw how I and lily were blanching each other in the dorm.

I nodded.

She rolled her eyes, 'What was it about?'

'Everything' I huffed.

'Ah. Well, I give it a week. In the meantime I'm sitting with Jordan- I'm not taking sides in whatever this is.'

And so she did that. She and Jordan were as strong as ever, he brought her flowers a couple of days ago. How he got them into school was a mystery but they now sat on her bedside table all pretty and proud. Roses, it was romantic.

Remus was avoiding me too. I'm sure he was; Dorcas said that I was just going crazy but it was the little things like how he always had a pre-set excuse to not go to the library with me or a reason why he suddenly has to go at the end of class and doesn't want to walk with me anymore.

I'm starting to miss him, Every time I try to catch up with him in the corridor he turns the corner and just disappears, the corridor Remus-less. I don't know how he's doing it or why, I just know that he is.

I tried to gain the courage to sit with him at lunch but he's always sat in the middle of Sirius and James with peter opposite him like they're guarding him. When I walk past they all glare at me viscously except Remus who just looks at his food like he doesn't want to look at me at all which is much worse. What was happening?

Maybe James blames me for being the reason why Lily is over there with Malcolm? I could understand that. But what about the others?

Did Remus blame me too?, was I responsible for keeping his best friend and lily apart?

It had all started in hogsmeade in Gonko's. When he said we'd go another time. That was the first excuse he made and he'd done that because of something Sirius' look said. The secrets were killing me.

Dorcas was my partner for most things now that Lily hated me, Malcolm being hers.

It was great and a good laugh but It wasn't the same though, especially since Dorcas was flinching and pretending she wasn't just staring at Lily and Malcolm all lesson. I don't know how she can _not_ hate Lily when she's sitting is Dorceey's crush's lap. I asked Dorcas about it after she spent all of potions trying to eavesdrop on what they were saying as they sat in front of us.

About a thousand emotions crossed her face before she whispered (so they wouldn't accidently hear):

'No, I don't. I think Lily likes him as well and she didn't know that I like him.'

I looked at her in amazement; she really was kind-hearted and sweet. I wondered how she wasn't a Hufflepuff she was so loyal. But I wasn't. I looked at lily as she turned to James who was just as on edge as Dorcas was before she turned back to Malcolm her face a little guilty. I had glared at her back for the rest of the lesson.

I was lonelier than ever since most of the time Dorcas wanted to be alone in the dorm, not that she would say it, and Marlene was with Jordon. Remus avoiding me and Lily hating me.

I had to keep busy a lot because I was starting to miss them, I was starting to want to hear about the stupid stuff James has done. I was starting to miss seeing Remus smile and frown at the same time and when he would help me focus when I couldn't concentrate on my work.

Most of the time I just read. The book I bought from the bookshop at Hogsmeade was actually really weird, it was called, 'The most terrifying Monsters to walk the wizarding world' by Andreth Mickried. There was a chapter per monster, I was on Dementors. It gave me chills reading it.

Literally, there was a magical square on one of the pages that if you pressed your finger to you would feel how you would if a Dementor was in your presence. It was horrible. I only had my finger on it for 10 seconds and I swore never again.

I liked the book. It freaked me out but I couldn't stop reading it.

What's more I still don't have a date to the Winter ball yet and no-one has asked me at all.

I miss my best friend, Lily.

I miss my- what was he? friend/study partner that puts up with me, Remus. Remmypoo.

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_**Wow , I hope she sorts this out, I'm getting lonely just talking about how she is never with anyone. She's getting a little anxious isn't she? **_

_**Confused, alone, annoyed= perfect recipe for bitterness. At least she has that book to read to pass the time; the monster book.**_

_**Next Chapter is Remus' view of these four days. **_

_**Please can you Review, unfortunately I don't do much in the day and so I'm watching this site like a hawk. It's a tragic slice of truth. From a pizza of honesty. **_


	10. Chapter 11: Remus' Next Four days

_**So the last chapter was all about how Gwen was coping, now see how Remus was. The same 4 days...**_

_**Side note: Thank you to all my readers, I'm so happy that you're all still reading. Thank you to my reviewers. And I cannot divulge any information about the plot ;) **_

_**Disclaimer~J. wrote it first. Harry Potter Characters belong to her. She cooked the Alphabet waffle bites- I just make them spell funny words. **_

_**Enjoy.**_

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Chapter 10: The Days 1 and 2

RPOV:

Day 1:

'I hate this' I muttered to Padfoot as Gwen walked past where we were sat in the great hall. Again. Every time she passed I had to bite my lip and stare at my food to stop myself from calling out to her, asking her about the last day or telling her I'm sorry for being a jerk.

Because I was. I was being an absolute jerk.

Sirius rolled his eyes at me, 'Moony you have GOT to chill. She'll get over it soon enough and then things'll go back to normal.'

'I don't want to do this anymore, she must hate me.'

'Moony this was your idea.' Prongs threw in.

I sighed, he was right. I wanted to keep my secret so I had to do this. 'I still hate it.' I muttered as I felt her looking at me. Werewolf instincts sucked, I could feel the intensity of her gaze on me and shuddered.

Sirius looked in her direction and glared. 'Oi?' I said to him. Did they have to glare at her?

Padfoot grinned, 'Hey, it's the only thing stopping her from sitting next to Peter and trying to pull info out of you.'

'What does Lily see in that Jerk?' James whined next to me as he put his head on the table.

Padfoot, Wormtail and I looked over at lily, she was laughing with Malcolm on the Ravenclaw table. Lily and Gwen had had a fight though I wasn't sure what about. I could guess that James came up quite a bit though.

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Day 2:

'Remus?' someone called behind me down the corridor. It was her. Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail were in detention and so I was all by myself. I couldn't do this. I walked a little faster down the corridor pretending that I hadn't heard Gwens voice calling me.

I knew what she would want to ask, she'd say that it's Wednesday and that would be enough. We both know that every Wednesday for the past few weeks we had been going to the library to work on Ancient Runes. But I knew that if she asked me now then I wouldn't be able to say no and then we'd go to the library and then eventually she'll ask me things and I'd have to lie, and then she'd be stacking up clues in her head. Until she works it out. Then she'd hate me.

That was enough to make me run away from her. If she was going to hate me, I'd prefer it to be this way. This way she won't look at me like i'm a monster, just a jerk.

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Day 3:

I walked in the common room and froze; she was sitting at one of the tables at the back reading. I wanted to go over to her but Wormtail alerted Prongs and they walked in front of me and pulled me up to our dorm room. She didn't know I was there so I stared at her since I hadn't been able to properly look at her since that day at hogsmeade. She looked tired; and lonely. Her and Lily were still fighting.

Marlene was with Jordan and I don't know where Dorcas was. And I was avoiding her, I cursed at how horrible this all was to her.

She shuddered and for a second I thought she had sensed me looking at her but then she flicked the page and continued reading eagerly. She was really absorbed in that book. I tried to peak at the title and dipped my head to read it.

I read it and froze. Padfoot pulled me to our dorm.

I nodded to him when we got there and he flopped on his bed. I started pacing.

'Padfoot... that book.'

'What? The one she was reading? What about it?' he said lazily while stretching his long limbs out on his bed.

'Did you see it?' my voice was shaking.

'No. why?' he sat up on his bed and looked at me.

'It was nothing.'

'What was the damn book Moony?!' Prongs shouted from his bed.

I gulped. 'It was 'The most terrifying monsters to walk the wizarding world''

Sirius and james shared a look. Wormtail sat up on his own bed, 'And?'

Sirius frowned, 'Is it in there?'

'Yeah' I said my voice shaking.

'shit' Sirius and James chorused while Peter was trying to catch up.

Day 4:

I watched her in potions. She kept looking at Lily. Something ached inside when she did. She obviously missed her best friend but then as lily and Malcolm went to kiss each other something in Gwens eyes flashed. I saw her knock her cauldron to the ground by Lily and Malcolm causing them to jump apart. Lily turned to glare at her. She gave a bittersweet smile back.

Something in me clicked. Wait a second.

Her and Lily are fighting. They had a fight on the day of lily's first date with Malcolm right?

Lily's sitting at Malcolms table. Gwen tried to stop them kissing.

Oh sweet merlin no.

Does Gwen like Malcolm? My beast growled. My heart felt heavy, too heavy-in my stomach. Wormtail looked at me, 'What's wrong?'

I didn't answer. I concentrated on the board and wrote down notes. My quill crushed the parchment until big splotches of ink ruined my paper. I slammed the quill to afresh piece and it snapped in my hand.

I looked at it in my hand, crushed and broken.

My three best friends were watching me. They didn't understand this. They probably just thought I hated avoiding Gwen but now it was more than that. I hated Malcolm.

I bared my teeth as I saw her looking at him again. Had I waited too long? Had I avoided her to the point that she forgot about me?

_Forgot about you? She didn't like you in that way in the first place._

SHUT UP. I mentally yelled at the small voice of the beast in my head.

_That's it get angry. Angry at Malcolm. Make him pay._

No, shut up shut up shut up.

_It'll come out eventually: the anger, your secret your werewolf. Why would Gwen want to be with that?_

Shut up. I locked the voice up in my head and returned to the present. The marauders were staring at me.

I was still staring at the quill. I threw it in my bag and as the bell rang I ran from the classroom to avoid Gwen but today she didn't try to follow me out or even try to call out to me.

My heart throbbed. I slowed down wanting her to come to me.

No, it's better this way. I went into my dorm and pulled out my Ancient Runes. I still hadn't done it. Normally I'd have done it with Gwen. I'd do it tomorrow. I couldn't read either.

Every time I picked up a book it reminded me that Gwen still had that book about monsters, the one with a whole chapter on werewolves. I knew it was in there because I had read that book before, it had society's view of werewolves in there. We were monsters.

Recognising us, finding us, killing us. What we do? Where we hid? Why we existed? Everything. And if she kept reading at the speed she was, she would find it really soon.

And then she'd know.

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_**Holy moly! Drama Drama Drama. **_

_**Next chapter iz on ze way! Review. Oh, but you must. I insist. **_


	11. Chapter 12: Day Number Five- ENOUGH!

_**So I broke the update-everyday trend because I started another fanfiction on here. But hey, updating everyday is spoiling you- plus it means I have to remain a certain amount of chapters ahead and then it's like a chore- so no. But please, Enjoy. **_

_**Note: Back in Gwens POV. Note2: Thank you so much for Reviewing, I get so happy when I see someone reviews- I do a celebratory dance if no-one is around. I'm not joking.**_

_**Disclaimer~J. owns all the Harry potter characters still. It hasn't changed from the last chapter. Which is totally weird.**_

_**Okay, Here goes- Enjoy this. **_

_** or else.**_

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Chapter 12: Day Number 5- ENOUGH!

It was day number 5 that Remus had been avoiding me and I think I'm going slightly crazy without the company of him and Lily.

How do I know this? I had climbed up onto a bookshelf hidden in the crack of the corridor and was waiting to jump Remus. If that doesn't spell CRAZY then I don't know what does.

I'd been chasing after him enough to know that after going to the great hall after dinner him and his marauders walk down here and disappear off somewhere.

I know this is bloody mad but I won't him to tell me what's going on, I want to talk to him, I want to tell him I'm sorry for whatever it was that I had done wrong. I want him to tell me WHAT I did wrong, I want him to talk to me, look at me, or even yell at me, hug me and , and – wait what was that?

I strained my ears and held my breath.

I heard footsteps and deep rumbling laughter coming from Sirius Black and James Potter. I strained my ears further and heard Remus' soft chuckle behind their loud ones. I clenched my fists suddenly realising that what I was doing was creepy and weird.

No, I don't care.

Good, too late to back out now anyway. They walked closer and I heard what they were saying.

'Did you see Malcolm's face?' That was James. I rolled my eyes still hidden from them by the wall.

'Prongs, we were there mate. Serves him right though. You don't take a marauder's girl' Sirius boomed.

'Well Lily isn't exactly Prong's-' Remus started before being cut off

'-Moony?' James asked lightly

'yes?'

'shut up.' James declared and continued in a dazed dreamy voice, 'One day Lily-flower and I will get married and have children.. Six children and-'

He was interrupted by wild laughter from his friends. Even I had to muffle a chuckle with my palm.

'Did you hear that?' Remus asked suddenly.

He'd heard me, he couldn't have- I barely made a sound and they were right across the corridor.

'No Remmypoo I didn't hear a thing' Sirius cooed at him.

'I thought I heard Gwen' Remus muttered so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

There was silence along the group and I heard them shuffle closer.

'You're loopy my dear Lupin' James sang. Then he said, 'You know you need some distraction. Excited for the next Full Moon?'

What? What are they talking about? They were almost beside me now.

Remus muttered, 'Ecstatic' sarcastically.

I was hiding behind a side in the wall when he walked past me. Luckily, He was walking closest to me with his fellow 'marauders' on the other side. I saw him, jumped from my hiding spot and tackled him by grabbing onto his arm and pinning him lightly to the wall.

'ARGHH!' Remus shouted. Then he looked at his attacker and saw it was me. 'Gwen?' the way he said my name did weird things to the pit of my stomach. Huh. I ignored it and grinned at him.

'Gotcha' I said my voice breathy from the jump.

The three other marauders were staring at me frozen but I wasn't going to blush and go away. That reminded me of why I was here. I looked back at Remus' face ready to speak but the sight silenced me..

He had a slow blush along his neck but his face was shocked his eyes guilty and something else. Then he beamed at me. I blinked slightly. What? Beaming? First he was avoiding me-now he's _beaming_?

There was a mutter from behind me, 'Moony…' It was a strict mutter packed with secret meaning from Sirius Black.

I turned slightly and glared at him then I turned back to Remus, still holding him to the wall and whispered:

'_We_ need to talk.'

His smile faltered and he looked helplessly at the marauders and something unfathomable passed into his eyes… Fear? Worry? Regret?

What the hell Remus. Tell me you're secret. Tell me.

He looked back at me and muttered, 'I can't I have to go. I have to help Peter with his transfiguration homework.'

At my side his three friends nodded enthusiastically. Peter squeaked, 'Yeah, we have to do that now Remus'

Liars. 'Sirius can help him.' Sirius was just as good as Remus at transfiguration though he constantly pretended that he wasn't.

'No Sirius can't. Sirius has a date.' Sirius chimed in with a believable reason. I was about to drop it and walk off seeing it hopeless but then I narrowed my eyes and shook my head.

'I want to talk to you Remus.' My voice sounded sad even to me. Oh merlin. I recovered and hid my loneliness but before I could a 'Please' slipped out.

Remus just stared at me.

Peter jumped in, 'He doesn't want to talk to you Gwen'.

I didn't believe it. I looked at Remus who was glaring over my shoulder at his friends. He met my eyes for a second then looked down the hall. I waited for him to deny it, or at least lie and say that he was just going to be late and wanted to talk to me another time-like he always did. Then he did something that hit my chest hard; He gave a stiff jerk of his head, a nod.

It was true. Remus really didn't want to talk to me; he didn't want to be my friend anymore. This whole 'avoiding me' thing wasn't just to defend his secret and we wouldn't just go back to normal again and it wouldn't sort itself out on its own either. This was real. Remus didn't want me around anymore; he was trying to stop being friends with me slowly-subtly.

My face burned and my arm holding Remus went cold. Painfully cold. I dropped it quickly. I was pinning Remus to the wall when he didn't even want to talk to me. I'd had this little thought in my head that he didn't want to avoid me, but he had because of something Sirius had said. But now I realised I had been stupid.

I stepped back, I'm such an idiot. It felt like something heavy squashed my chest and my heart beat was going nuts drumming against my ribcage. i talk a deep breath and looked around me for any sign of escape.

_He doesn't want to talk to you Gwen. He doesn't want to talk to you._

I wished the ground could swallow me up somehow. Eat me, murder me, and destroy my existence. I'd take anything to get away right now. I avoided looking at them and walked off.

When I turned the corner I was sprinting.

* * *

_**Oh dear. What have you done now? **_

_**I swear miscommunication is the source of all problems in life generally. People need to be able to open up and just say what they are really thinking..**_

_**Let's practise that now- Close your eyes, take a deep breath, open them and type your heart and soul into that Review box below...**_


	12. Chapter 13: A Werewolf's Mate?

_**Tiny chapter: Under 1,000 words.- I know I should be slaughtered or cruciod or something. But this is a little glimpse into Remus' brain. Just showing how little things ripple out.**_

_**Also ThAnK yOu FoR ReViEwInG pEoPlE. Special Thank you to Ava Flame if you're reading this, thanks for your constant support :D **_

_**disclaimer~J. owns the Harry potters and the characters. Apart from my Gwen, Andrew and Malcolm.**_

_**I'm ordering you to enjoy this.**_

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Chapter 13: A Werewolf's mate?

RPOV:

I watched her walk off stiffly. Then as my friends relaxed as she turned the corner I heard the sound of her feet slapping the floor at a run.

'That was close' Peter squeaked. I glared at him. Sirius and James were looking at the floor feeling the room. Peter was oblivious.

Peter had said that to her. He'd made her react that way. A snarl slipped from my lips at him. He pack pedalled behind James, fear alive in his eyes.

_Yes, it was Peter that made her react like that. His fault, make him pay. Make him see that you don't mess with a werewolf's mate. _

I stopped. What? I silenced the beast in my head broken from my trance. Mate? Wait, what am I doing? I realised I was in a crouch facing peter. I stretched out of it quickly.

I glared at them all and walked off leaving them, wanting to be alone. I walked in the opposite direction Gwen had gone.

I glared at the people I passed in the corridors as I stormed off to the owlery. They gave me shocked confused looks but backed off. I even glared at Professor Dumbledore as I saw him walk from his office. He gave me a sad look.

Like he pitied me, he shouldn't pity me.

I was the ass in this scenario- I was the jerk who was doing all this. I reached the owlery and paced there- glad to find it empty. The birds squawked at me and many flew away. I glared at each of them.

I glared at everything. And I paced.

'Remus?'

I sun round to see Lily Evans at the door looking at me curiously. Lily's presence normally calmed me down if I ever worried or stressed but now looking at her just reminded me that she and Gwen were still fighting. And possibly about Malcolm, which made me even angrier thinking about whether or not Gwen had anything for him or not.

She stepped into the owlery and put a hand on my shoulder which stopped me pacing. I huffed and she embraced me in a warm hug.

'What's wrong?' she said softly.

'I…it's nothing.' I said. She nodded understandingly and I told her, 'It's Gwen. I hurt her.'

She pulled out the hug to see my face, she was frowning. 'Did she fight with you too?' her voice still held a flash of steel in it- she was still mad at Gwen.

'She didn't fight with me at all.' I said quickly, feeling the need to defend her. 'It was me.' I muttered.

Lily's eyes changed and she looked guilty for a second, 'It's not her week is it?'

'Does she fancy Malcolm?' I blurted quickly. I bit me tongue- not the time. But it was too late.

Lily's eyes narrowed as she glared at the floor, 'Did she say that! I knew it! I said that to her!'

'She does?' my heart sank.

But lily was ranting quietly to the floor, 'and she says I use people, I knew she liked him, that's why she got all mad when I started going out with him - pretending it's all about James. But she's a crappy liar- I knew someone else must be involved.'

As Lily said this, mostly to herself I'm sure, my chest got tighter and my spirits sank. So she _does _like Malcolm.

I muttered something about getting my Ancient Runes Homework done and went up to my dorm room. It was empty which I was pleased about- I don't think I could face the marauders right now.

Then I looked to the side of my bed on my bedside table was now a thick stack of work I hadn't completed since I'd stopped studying with Gwen. I'd have to eventually get all of that done. I groaned. I grabbed at the first book and it was Care of Magical creatures and about merpeople, I needed to go and fetch a book from the library for this.

I made my way out.

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**_I know, tiny. But hey, I SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I WILL UPDATE REALLY SOON._**

**_Review for me please. pour tu? Yes, pour moi. (frenchness)_**


	13. Ch14: Myrtle, Break up and Monster books

_**So here's the update. Enjoy. This was where Gwen ran off to after her talk with Remus. **_

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Chapter 14: GPOV:

I didn't think about where I was going while I ran away but soon found myself in the haunted girls' bathroom. Moaning Myrtle was quietly sobbing in one of the cubicles and so I suddenly felt awkward being there. Listening to her cry dried my own upcoming tears and I stood there unsure of what to do now. I was about to leave when-

'I know your there!' Moaning Myrtle howled suddenly, I jumped from my frozen state and bowed my head guiltily as she rounded the corner and floated a metre from me. Her fists clenched into fists as she sneered tearily, 'Oh come to laugh at the crying dead girl did we?'

I shook my head desperately and took a step back, I knew she was only a ghost but she was a hell of a screamer when she wanted to be, I'd rather not stay. 'No, sorry I forgot...' In my rush for escape I'd forgotten that a teenage depressed dead witch haunted these toilets.

She screamed at me, 'you forgot!?' Then her face crumpled inwards and she turned her back to me replying in a tiny voice, 'Of course you did, out there living and doing things… why would anyone even remember me in here…' it was so quiet I barely caught it. I felt horrible and rotten, look what I've gone and done.

'Myrtle I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that, I just meant I was in a rush and I was being stupid.'

She sniffed quietly and wiped her eyes, her back to me still. 'You can go.'

'Myrtle…' I began unsure of what I was going to say, just wanting to make her stop crying.

'GET OUT!' She suddenly screamed and zoomed into the furthest cubicle from me.

I flinched and ran for the door, 'I'm sorry Myrtle' I muttered as I opened the door.

And then I left.

No-one knows how myrtle died; they say that ages ago somebody or something murdered her just as she was coming out of a cubicle. I know that when you die, instead of going on to afterlife or wherever the dead go, some people can choose to stay on earth- as a ghost. It doesn't sound that appealing but I suppose I get it for someone like Myrtle a flash decision, when you're too young to die, why would you choose death. In the moment I suppose this seemed better.

I walked back to my dorm and found Dorcas painting her toenails gleefully. She hadn't smiled that big for a while now; I was surprised by how much I'd missed it. 'What's got you all cheery?' I grinned as I walked in.

She shrugged, 'I don't know; Just things.'

I narrowed my eyes at her still smiling, 'Just things?'

She clicked her tongue; 'Yep' she popped the P.

I continued to look at her suspiciously and then shrugged, 'okay well I'm glad to see you're happy- but yellow?' I scrunched up my nose at her choice of nail varnish. Yellow is revolting.

'Lily dumped Malcolm.' Dorcas blurted. She's so bad at keeping secrets, it's part of her charm. Then she was beaming. I grinned back. Huh, about time. Lily and Malcolm were terrible.

'No wonder you're pleased. What happened?' I said as I flopped on my bed.

'I don't know, I was in the Library and… Malcolm was also in the Library coincidentally.'

'Stalker much?' I chuckled.

She mock glared at me and threw her pillow at me.

'I wasn't 'stalking him' I just…we were both there okay.' She huffed. 'Besides it's not relevant.'

I chuckled again and then nodded, 'Okay, go on.'

'Well, anyway, Lily came in all red and flustered and just walked up to Malcolm.-'

'Wait, when was this?' I interrupted frowning.

'Like 5 minutes ago or something. Stop interrupting!' she threw her other pillow at me.

I snickered and nodded. 'Sorry, go on.'

'Right, where was i?'

'You were stalking Malcolm and watched lily come in.' I reminded her grinning. She ignored me.

'Oh yes, Lily - okay and she walked up to him and then she saw me.'

I sat up on my elbows she I could see her, 'What did she say when she saw you?'

Dorcas went red, 'She didn't say anything but she froze when she saw me and I thought she was going to be angry but then she just frowned at the floor and then went up to Malcolm and said-'

'Wait, wait- did Malcolm know you were there?' I asked excitedly, interrupting again.

'GWEN!' she chuckled exasperated then she shook her head, 'no, he was doing some homework or something. Now, quit interrupting. Questions at the end. So, anyway she said to him, ''Malcolm I'm sorry but I don't think this is going to work out.'' and then she smiled at where i was and walked out.'

'Just like that?'

She flapped her hand at me, 'Well, other words were said as well but that was the gist of it.' She smiled slightly then frowned. 'Is it wrong that I'm so happy?'

'Just a little. So wait, did she say why?'

'Nope.' Popping the 'p' again she returned to her toenails frowning. 'Why? Do you have any ideas? Why would anyone drop someone like Malcolm is beyond me…' her eyes became dazed and I rolled my eyes. So Dorcas.

I need to find Lily. I should make things right with her again now anyway, this is the longest we've ever not spoken.

Everything that happened today popped into my head, Remus Myrtle and Lily. Remus and his want to not speak to me. Did that mean forever? How could I not speak to him for forever? It's been just 5 days and I'm already going out of my way to memorise where he walks so I can jump on him in the corridor. Was this what Dorcas felt like when she watched Malcolm from a distance, always knowing where he was but not being able to do anything about it?

Whoa… it's completely different for Dorcas- she fancies Malcolm thinks he's the love of her life. Remus is my friend. Just my friend, nothing more- that'd be too weird right? What am I even talking about!? Besides you're hardly even friends anymore regardless.

Dorcas frowned at me, 'Knut for your thoughts?'

I shrugged, 'Just thinking about Remus.'

She smiled sadly, though she didn't even know about our conversation earlier 'hey, it'll work itself out. Did you find out what's wrong? I remember you had this crazy determined glint in your eye earlier when you left to go find him...'

I laughed dryly she didn't know the peak of my insanity yet; 'I hid in the corridor and jumped on him. I pinned him to a wall Dorceey'

She beamed, 'I knew you'd eventually go nuts- so what happened?'

I told her and slowly the beam fell of her face, 'Well, you know what- his loss.' She said as she finished her last toe and stood up. 'If he's stupid enough to stop talking to you then he doesn't deserve to.'

I bit my lip and muttered something like, 'Guess so' I wanted to forget this. I stood up too, 'Let's do something fun!'

She raised her eyebrows, 'I could give you a makeover?' she said hopelessly.

'Pass. We could go and find the kitchens?'

'What? Why? Are you hungry?' She questioned confusedly.

I shook my head, 'No I just want to find them you know- I have no idea where they are, and wouldn't it be cool to know where they were, we could eat all the time and stuff.' I explained.

She smiled, 'No, we probably won't find them. Pass.'

I grinned, 'Let's go to the Black Lake then'

'You know it's tipping it down with rain, right?'

'So?' I replied, I liked the rain. She gave me a look like she was questioning my sanity. 'Fine, what shall we do instead?'

'Well I know it's not fun but we both have tons of homework to do…'

I groaned though I knew it was true, 'Fine. Let's do that.'

We sat on our dorm floor and pulled out the homework and went through each piece eating at our piles happily until we'd done it all. I put all my books back on my shelf to notice one missing, 'hey, have you seen my monsters books?'

'Your what book?' Dorcas called as she headed into the bathroom to take a shower.

I scanned my things looking for it and looked under my bed- nothing. ''The Most Terrifying Monsters To Walk The Wizarding World' by Andrew Mickried- I could've sworn it was here- somewhere…' I muttered as I scanned my bookshelf again. I was sure that I'd put it beside my book about the Goblin Wars…

'Oh that book, I don't know why you brought that - it's so freaky. Just the other day I opened it on the chapter about vampires and there was this square that was made to make you feel like you were being drained by a vampire when you felt it.'

'Spoiler alert Dorcas! I'm not on that chapter yet- I'd only just finished Dementors- I was supposed to start Werewolves today…' I looked in my drawers of clothes; maybe I'd chucked it in here accidentally?

'Oops my bad- but seriously that book is freaky as hell.' She called back as she put the shower water on.

'Yeah, so have you seen it then? Did you borrow it?' I scanned her book shelf but didn't see it there- she had mostly muggle books.

'No I just looked at it. I put it back on your bed where it was originally. Retrace your steps and all that. Okay, if I'm not out of the shower in 20 minutes I want you to yell at me.' Dorcas called and closed the door. That girl, like me, could spend hours in the shower just forgetting how easily time passed.

I scanned the room and then went into the common room; retracing my steps.

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**_Huh, I hate it when my books about magical 'monsters' goes missing... _**

**_So Lily dumped Malcolm, but why?_**

**_Feel free to Review._**


	14. Chapter 15: Better Question?

_**Directly continues from last chapter. Sorry about the slow update- I've been thinking up a new story and then I had prom and I've been generally lazy and several other excuses that i'm sure you REALLY care about.**_

_**P.s. Thanks for being patient and thanks for the reviews! **_

_**ENJOY THE CHAPTER:**_

_**wait! almost forgot: Disclaimer: J .K. Rowling owns all her harry potter characters. I own Gwen. and some other OC's like Andrew. **_

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Chapter 15: Better Question?

I scanned where I'd sat while reading it- it'd be just like me to leave it somewhere. The table was clear. I checked the floors getting down on my knees. I was pretty sure this was the last place I'd read it. But I'm 97.2% sure that I had taken it back to the dorm with me.

'What're you doing?' A familiar gruff voice said from behind me.

I jumped up and smacked my head on the table. Ow. I crawled out and stood up trying to control the amount of blood rushing into my cheeks.

I turned around to see the tall sixth year Andrew from before- the one who'd given me my transfiguration book. He had his eyebrows raised as he looked at me, clearly amused at my failure to just be normal. 'Looking for a book.' I said trying to look less like a complete idiot. I scanned the floor.

'A lost book? Again? Do you always lose your books or is it just when I'm around?' he winked at me. Actually winked- I didn't think people did that kind of thing in real-life.

'Just when you're around it seems- Maybe you're cursed.' I blurted grinning- smooth. Witty one you are. Good job convincing him you aren't a weirdo. _But I am a weirdo-_ No need to tell the whole world!

He chuckled. 'What book is it? Maybe I can help?'

I looked at him and he seemed to genuinely want to help. I smiled, 'Um, Actually that would be really-'

'Unnecessary!' A voice drawled over my head and two arms looped over my shoulders. I looked up alarmed to see James and Sirius had snuck up on me. I glared at them and brushed them off as they continued,

'She doesn't need your 'help'. Sorry…What's your name?' Sirius said not sounding sorry at all. He looked over Andrew's shoulder and they placed there long arms back over mine.

Andrew frowned at them at my shoulders, 'Andrew. Well, see you later Gwen.' He gave me a tight smile and exited the common room.

I shrugged them off again and glared at Sirius, 'What the hell was that?'

Sirius frowned at me, 'Saving you from a Perv- weren't we Prongsie?' He looked over at the grinning James.

'You're Welcome Gwenzy!' James ruffled my hair.

I glared at them. What the heck is going on- why are they speaking to me, acting like everything is normal? Why aren't they glaring at me? I'm so confused. And angry. 'Andrew is NOT a Perv. Sirius, I thought _you_'d recognise the difference by now- what with all those years of looking at one in the mirror!' I pointedly slapped him arm off my shoulder because he kept putting it back on.

He just looked at me, the comment bounced off him. James chuckled slightly but hid it in his smile. Sirius mock-glared at him. Then he frowned at me, 'You _wanted_ 'Andrew' to help you find your book? Why were you flirting with him?' He spat Andrews's name. James looked kind of uncomfortable and he drove a hand through his hair.

'Better question- Why the hell are you acting like this?' I said angrily. For the past week all of them have done nothing but glare at me. Except Remus, he made a point not to look at me at all.

Sirius waved my question off with one of his own, 'Better better question- How do you know that slime ball '_Andrew' _anyway? What about Remus?'

If he wasn't going to answer then nor was I; I glared at him, 'Best Question yet: what the _hell_ does it have to do with you?' I turned on my heel and went out the common room. Great now I don't know where my book is and I was mad- why the hell did Remus' name pop up again?

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**_Tiny chapter- I know, I'm sorry it's just that it doesn't fit in with the next chapter so I had to put it separately. _**

**_So, what do think of Andrew? Or the antics of Sirius and James? Or the whereabouts of her book?_**

**_-Please Review. Reviews make me inclined/obliged to update ;) just saying._**


	15. Chapter 16: Memories

**_Okay, Updated fairly quickly because i really am sorry about the small chapter- Especially when i realised that this chapter literally just leads straight from it so they could have been put together. Oh well. Here goes._**

**_Disclaimer- J .K .Rowling Owns All The Characters From Harry Potter- I own Gwen and Andrew. Okay? okay._**

**_Enjoy! _**

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**_ Continues directly from last chapter. sorry about that, again. _**

Chapter 16: Memories

I shuffled round the corridors angrily walking until I found the library; the quiet peaceful library.

I walked in and inhaled the ancient books happily; it had been almost a week since I'd been in here last. I looked around like it'd been months. I was about to sit down where I normally sat (down at the very back next to the really, really old leather bound books; Closest table to the restricted section.

I'd been in the restricted section 3 times before. It was third year and I'd been in the common room when I found a lone book on the surface of one of the table- it was a book about the Animagus.

Everything about it looked forbidden and dangerous- so naturally despite the prickle on the back of my neck I opened it and lost myself in it. I took it back to my dormitory where I read it all the way through- cover to cover- though in third year a lot of it was too difficult for me to actually fully understand.

I'd known it was from the Forbidden Restricted section the moment my fingers touched it- it made me curious- Who had taken it out? Why? Were they planning to become an illegal animagus or were they just fascinated by the whole shape-shifting business? If so, why had they just left it out, for anybody to pick up and see? Or had they just forgotten it- were they coming back for it?

I was haunted by the unanswered questions- what's more I started to want to become an animagus illegally after reading the book. I even started to get some of the ingredients together but then Lily stopped me.

She was furious. She'd 'found' the book under my pillow and noticed I was sneaking around and she went mad at me. She lectured me for a whole hour on the consequences of my actions and why I shouldn't jump into stuff because it 'looks like fun'.

I'd never been told off like that by anyone except my mother- That was the year Lily and I became best friends- actual best friends. We were always close but that's when we crossed the boundary into sister-like best friends- we could yell at each other, wear each other's clothes- tell the other one they were wrong and just that we knew best.

She made me take the book back the day that she confronted me about it.

The second time I read a book from the restricted section was when I wanted to know more about Grindewauld since Mr Binns was being deliberately vague. That was Third year too. When Lily found out about that time she was disapproving but she was also fascinated- she seemed uncertain about it though (she pretended that she didn't want to also do further reading) and respected the rules as always. So I had to take that back too. I didn't like it too much anyway- it was the scariest book I'd ever read; So much death.

The third and final time was in fourth year (last year as I'm in 5th) and it was about Werewolves. We'd skimmed it in classes and no-one ever wanted to speak about it. I regret picking up that book so much, it scared me to death. I started hyperventilating in the Library. The book had come to life as i opened the book and pulled me into it. It was terrifying.

I saw werewolves slaughtering people on every single page playing like a film although as I saw the moving images there was no doubt- none at all that they were real. Many of the images of the werewolf were the same- just one wolf. Mordicand, Greyback's Father. Mordicand ripped out the throats of children and muggles and wizards- merely for leisure.

I had nightmares about the werewolves every full moon for months. I remember how Lily had found me in the library with the book and helped me get back to the dorm because I was so scared. She'd followed me out again, despite her rules.

Lily Evans. I'm so stupid; she has been there for me time and time again. I'm the worst best friend ever. I stood up ready to leave and go and find her when I saw someone that made my heart go crazy in my chest. He was sitting there scribbling on a scroll of parchment but as I squinted from where I was I noticed he wasn't doing work at all. He was doodling.

Well I never. Remus never doodled- every single time we'd studied together he'd always just got on with the work-but there he was doodling. As though sensing my sudden stare he shuddered and looked around himself and began scanning the library for someone. I ducked behind a bookshelf.

I didn't want to talk to him right now- and now I _know_ he doesn't want to speak to me.

I crept out the library as discreetly as I could, I even tiptoed the long way round so that I wouldn't accidentally been seen be him as I passed.

'Gwen?' someone called from the opposite direction loudly to me, in the corner of my eye I saw Remus' head snap up and look at me.

I turned to the person who gave away my exit- Amos Diggory. I was surprised that it was him. he walked up to me, he was way taller than I remembered (from quidditch matches last year). He was beaming at me, I smiled back.

'What's up Amos?' he had a friendly air around him, like warmth that made you feel like you were in on some secret joke. I found myself grinning back at him. Do all Hufflepuffs have that? I'd test that theory later.

'How're you? Ready for Quidditch to start? The match is tomorrow! Hufflepuffs V.s Ravenclaws- it's going to be one hell of a first match.' He said happily. The Hufflepuff team suck at quidditch their beaters are too nice to actually aim at people- they just aim in front of them of in their way.

Amos was probably their best asset on their team. He emitted a confidence and chill about it that I was suddenly wondering if they _would _beat Ravenclaw. 'I'm good. Oh yeah I forgot about the first match-Do you think you'll win?'

He smiled and shrugged, 'Hard to tell. Captains been working us to the bone though- I hope it pays off.'

'We haven't had a practice yet- but then we have a whole month until our first match so It's all good'. I was a chaser on the team.

The librarian glared at us. we bowed our heads at the same time and chorused, 'Sorry.' He caught my eye as we did it and I chuckled at our similar antics. 'Let's get out of here' he whispered though loud enough to still earn a cold scowl from the librarian. I nodded trying not to laugh as we tiptoed out the library gasping at every tiny noise one of us made and shifting worried glances to the librarian who just rolled her eyes and returned to ordering books.

We flew around and raced each other round school until it was curfew. He was a good flyer and it was great fun to distract me from seeing Remus in the library. I understand why Amos was sorted the way he was- he's one of the nicest people I'd ever met. But I couldn't stop my mind wondering whether Remus would still be in the Library and just what he had been doodling.

I wondered how I didn't know that he doodled- was this a new development? Or was I just never that observant when we studied together? I thought back- no, I'd really never seen him doodle before.

I felt guilty that when Amos told me goodbye I was still half-thinking about Remus. I really don't deserve these people being my friend.

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_**Oh dear. Oh no. Of course **__**she**__** just had to go into the restricted section and scar herself for life. Dammit Gwen- you're an idiot. **_

_**Tell me what you think...**_

_**Please note- if you want another chapter you better REVIEW!**_


	16. Ch17 (and18): Pinky Swear & Lillies

_**Hmm, I decided to put two chapters up in one because they flow. I hope you enjoy it.**_

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Chapter 17: Pinky Swear

'Gwen?' Professor Slughorn's voice broke into my daydream later that day.

I jumped up suddenly tipping my book onto the floor, 'Huh?! Oh sorry. I agree. Um, what?' I gathered that he had JUST asked me a question but for the life of me I had no idea what it was. I heard a few snickers float around the room at my response- and a few disgusted noises from the Slytherin side of the room.

Professor Slughorn raised an eyebrow at me, 'I said: What does a Bezoar do?'

'Oh, err, it is an antidote to most poisons.' I said before drifting back into my thoughts. I'd decided that I was avoiding Remus, not that he was seeking me out though. I was going to patch things up with Lily. I was going to find a way to make Malcolm Dorcas', I was going to prank Sirius, get a damn date to the winter ball, as it's in just 3 days. I was also going to do all my charms homework tonight, and finally find the kitchens. PLAN.

'GWEEEEEEEENNSSEEEEEEEYYY!' Sirius' voice boomed and I jumped again. The class was staring at me including Professor Slughorn who was frowning.

'err, sorry?' I said blushing to Professor Slughorn.

'I was just saying that I'm moving all your partners today. I think it will be a learning experience to be able to work with others and review their skills.' I nodded feigning enthusiasm to make up for my lack of listening skills.

He continued, 'And that each student will pick out a name from the hat and those people will be partnered together. Gwen you're up.' He held out a top hat too me.

I grabbed it and pulled out one name and said it aloud, ''Remus Lupin.- Oh dragon balls.' Dorcas giggled at my shoulder.

'LAAAANGUAGE MISS GWENSEEEY DOVE' Sirius boomed from the back. I didn't know that I'd said it that out loud. Which i realised meant that Remus must have heard too.

Merlin, what did I do to you? You're not being fair.

James picked Lily which I'm sure was as he said too innocently was 'purely coincidental'. I rolled my eyes and my eyes met lily's as I did so. Her eyes were rolling just the same. A laugh escaped my lips and a chuckle past hers and 2 minutes later we were laughing aloud like crazy people. We didn't even know why. She gave a flicker of a smile before she turned around and watched James Potter grinning as he made his way to sit next to her.

How wasn't she going mental? She looked so calm, she almost smiled as he tripped on his way over and jumped up avoiding lily's eyes, cheeks all red and rosy.

It was sweet.

I however stared straight ahead as Remus Lupin took his seat beside me. He turned towards me a few times and opened his mouth like he was going to say something but then he closed it again. This happened 5 times throughout the whole lesson until I was daydreaming about what Remus would look like as a fish. I'm going nuts.

'Gwen?' He said at last.

I looked at him shocked, 'What Lupin?

'...Can you pass me the skrewd eyes please?'

I gaped. SERIOUSLY!? That's all he's going to say to me?! I passed them over and put them next to him on the table, slamming them down maybe a little roughly.

We didn't speak again.

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Chapter 18: Lilies

I had decided to make it up to lily by transfiguring some dandelions into Lilies and to give them to her. She was on her bed reading a muggle book by Jane Austen when I found her, 'Lily?'

She looked shocked that I was speaking to her, but then she looked guilty as she saw the lilies in my hands. She chuckled,' Oh, you're a witty one' she said sarcastically, 'Lilies'. She smiled and put them on her bedside table.

'Lily I'm sorry-' I said at the same time she blurted, 'I'm Sorry Gwen-'

We beamed at each other and then laughed.

'I was an idiot, I was stupid to think those horrible things about you- I know James is a pain in the butt sometimes... I guess I was jealous of the attention and-'

She held up her hand and stopped me, 'No, I'm sorry Gwen. It was my fault... I thought that Dorcas was over Malcolm and I was an idiot to not notice how affected she was!'

She knew about Dorcas and Malcolm?, 'What? You know about Dorcas?'

Lily smiled, 'I saw her watching him in the library... she had the same dazed smittened look on her face from when he caught her on that broom all those years ago.'

'So that's why you broke things with him?'

'I'm sorry, I had no idea! I thought she was over it!' Lily looked close to tears, 'It all made sense-why you were saying those things about Malcolm and why she starting avoiding me when I was with him.'

I felt guilty seeing her so sad, 'so you did like him then? Like 'really like' him?'

Her face got even more crumpled, 'that's the other thing; I thought that I did like him; I honestly thought that we would make it work. But then I realised how utterly boring he was and how I knew absolutely zilch about him! I realised then that I was trying to throw James and show him that I liked someone else... get him to move on. And then I was stupid and too proud to tell you..'

'You were prideful? I realised almost instantly that I was being an idiot, that I was wrong to yell at you when you had no idea, that Potter is a twit and that you would never date someone to get one over on someone else-but I was too proud to just out and apologise!'

We laughed at how stupid we had been. I hugged her as tears flooded her eyes. 'I'm so sorry lily! Can we please never fight like that again. I missed you so much!'

She laughed into my back, 'Agreed- I missed you too! You have no idea how horrible it is without you lot- the Ravenclaw table was so boring. I missed my girls! Oh, and I realised how often I spoke about James- it's too much- you're right!'

'I don't care about that anymore- you can speak about James Potty as much as you like!' I laughed. 'I've actually missed hearing about the romantic and stupid soppy stalkerish antics of that boy!'

Lily's cheeks went a little rosy. My eyes widened in shock. 'What is that?' I pointed at her blush pulling out of the hug.

She got redder, 'What's what?'

'Are you…no, that's not possible! Is Lily Evans _blushing_ in thought about a certain Potter?' I was so shocked I felt I needed to laugh.

She never blushed when we spoke about Potter- she went red sure-mad red. Or else kept a stony distant annoyed expression. But this?

This was an embarrassed, girly flattered blushing Lily. I stood up and pulled out my wand joking around, 'Who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans!'

She laughed shyly, 'That's the other thing I really needed to talk to you about.'

I froze, shoved my wand away and sat on her bed nodding for her to continue. Did Lily like Potter? That wasn't even possible was it? Was hell freezing over?! Was there a love potion involved? I listened as lily blushed again and said, 'When I was with Malcolm, I noticed that James-well, he actually cared. And then, I don't know he started acting civil towards me.'

My eyes must have widened because she looked at my face and said, 'I know-I thought it was another scheme to but then there was this moment… I was really upset that we still weren't friends and I missed you so much and Malcolm was off in the Library or something. Anyway I was in the common room and James came and just joked around making me feel better. ' she finished shocked herself at what she had just said aloud she put a hand over her mouth and gave a hiccupping laugh, 'I never thought I'd ever be defending James Potter'

'He didn't try to flirt or anything? I asked doubtfully. This was so unlike James I couldn't believe it.

She shook her head, 'No, that's the thing- he didn't pull anything ONCE!... it was nice.' She muttered the last bit but I caught it.

I beamed and she groaned hiding her face in her pillow. 'I'm such an idiot' she moaned it on her pillow. 'I bet you think I'm crazy'

I laughed; 'I think you might be, but not to worry, all the best people are' I quoted happily.

She laughed and pulled her face out of the pillow, 'Alice in the wonderland? Really Gwen?'

I nodded and put a hand on her shoulder, 'But on a serious note- I think this is great- however, as an unrelated note that has absolutely nothing to do with this at all... I would recommend testing your pumpkin juice for a subtle love potion every now and again'

She chuckled and threw her pillow at me. I held my hands up in defence, 'just in case!'

'It's not funny Gwen! I think something is wrong with me?!' though she was the one laughing harder than me. I smiled.

'Does anyone else know of this new revelation you seem to have had?' I questioned trying to stop my grin taking up all my face.

Lily shook her head then narrowed her eyes at me, 'and that's how it's going to stay!' She pointed her wand at me threateningly

'Head Girl I'm Shocked!' I mimicked Miss McGonagall's voice and held a hand on my chest.

Lily mock-scowled at me, 'GWEN!'

I held up my arms in surrender, 'Okay okay, secrets safe with me. For now.' She glared so I corrected, 'Fine, for forever. Fun destroyer.'

She groaned, 'of course you would think the disaster of my life to be humorous Gwen!'

'Disaster?'

She ignored me and continued, 'I'll never live this down.' I smiled agreeing with that.

Later Dorcas and Marlene came back in and were thrilled that we had made amends. Each adding a muttered 'finally'. Though they didn't know what new secret glued us back together. The same secret that made lily squirm when I raised my eyebrows at her and grinned mischievously. I couldn't believe it. Go James: persistence finally paid off. But as much as I hated it, I kept my mouth shut when Marlene said, 'What's so funny?' and nodded to whatever crappy excuses Lily came up with.

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_**So that's two chapters for you since they followed on directly.**_

_**Review on your way out- you know the drill. **_


	17. Chapter 19: 3 days and a know-it-all

Chapter 19: 3 days and a know-it-all

'Why are they glaring at you Gwen?' Lily whispered as she took her old seat beside me. Marlene was flirting with Jordon and so remained oblivious and Dorcas was happily digging into some toast and wasn't listening. No-one heard what she'd said apart from me.

I looked over at them sitting further down the table, knowing already who she was talking about. Half of the marauders were glaring at me as per usual recently. The other two were James Potter who was looking at his cereal, though he had rosy cheeks which probably meant he knew Lily was looking his way. I was kind of proud of him after hearing how he'd captured Lily's heart at last.

The only other one not glaring at me was Remus Lupin who was glaring hard at Malcolm for some unfathomable reason which I didn't care about at all. I wasn't even the tiniest bit curious. I don't care at all about anything to do with Remus Lupin at all. Not at all.

'Why do you think Remus is glaring at Malcolm Lily?' I blurted in a whisper to her. Damn, despite everything I still did care.

I liked Remus, missed him, and still wanted to know everything about him. I hate myself sometimes. It would be so much easier if I decided I hated him, I should hate him. Well, maybe not hate- but something close to dislike at least.

But no, instead I got chills and weird stomach flips and even though I was so mad at him that I could quite literally just go and slap him on the cheek right now- I don't think I ever would simply because I loved him too much.

Whoa! What the hell did I just think?! Did I just think what I think I just thought? But that's-that's not logical or right or-

'I don't know, but he is isn't he?' Lily whispered back breaking me from my thoughts. 'Are you two still fighting?'

I raised my eyebrows, 'You know about that?'

She nodded and took a sip of her juice, 'Remus told me. Plus, you haven't said two words to each other for ages. He was in the library alone too. Normally you guys go together…' she trailed off after listing the clues as James looked up at her thinking she had turned away.

Lily wasn't kidding about her pride, she gave a small smile and turned back to me and pretended we were talking about something, 'Stop looking at him!' she whispered in my ear. I chuckled and turned to her.

'This is too weird.' I whispered back.

She grimaced at me, 'Your telling me? Anyway, we were talking about Remus…'

I sniffed, 'I don't want to talk about Lupin anymore.' Hmmm, had I meant what I'd thought before. Did I like him in anyway more than a friend? No, of course not- that would be weird. Plus we're not even friends so it would be stupid too, to suddenly think I liked him in that way. 'Besides we're not even friends anymore' I whispered aloud to lily.

'Since when is he 'Lupin'?' Lily whispered shocked that I'd started calling him by his last name like she does with Sirius and used to with Potter.

'Since… right now' I said. Lily raised her eyebrows at me.

Across the table, Dorcas narrowed her eyes at us, 'What are you two girlies whispering about?'

I shrugged but lily said, 'Remus'. I sighed then realised it didn't matter if Dorcas knew that anyway.

She gave me a sympathetic look and patted my hand, 'Just remember- his loss.' Whoa.

'I don't care, I hate him too now. So I don't care.' I said as I buttered a bread roll hastily.

Dorcas and Lily shared some look they thought I would suddenly become blind and not see, 'seriously guys!' I said. They nodded but gave each other the exact same look. I sighed.

I may not hate him right now because I must have hit my head if I was having lovey-dovey fuzzy feelings- but I would. I was determined too. Hate him, I mean. I'm not falling for Mr. I-suddenly-don't-want-to-speak-to-you-anymore-and- I'm not-going –to-tell-you-what-you-did-wrong-and-I'll-avoid-you -and-smile-at-you-and-confuse-you-and-make-you-fal l-in-love-with-me-just-so-we-never-speak-again-Lup in'.

Whoa- I said it again.

I saw Amos walk past our table and he caught my eye, 'Ready for your big game later?' I called.

He flashed a grin and said, 'I was _born_ ready!' His Quidditch friends around him cheered in agreement.

I laughed at the enthusiasm radiating off the group. Amos smiled, 'See you then Gwen' He said as they walked off.

'So guys- the winter ball is in three days. That's…' What is that? Exciting? No, none of us had dates and I'd brought a dress that I was having doubts about now. I finished the sentence, 'That's… that.'

Dorcas looked at me and laughed, 'I know how you're feeling and trust me I feel exactly the same, I'm considering giving the whole thing a miss.'

Lily jumped in, 'No, we can't do that- we've bought dresses!'

Marlene turned away from Jordon to say, 'What? You can't miss the dance! I can't be the only girl from our group- who will I talk to?! And like lily said you brought dresses and everything! Loads of people come without dates don't them Jordan?'

He nodded while his mouth was full of food, 'Yep. Loads. Don't worry about it girls- These three days are when the boys will come knocking.'

We nodded disbelievingly and as the bell rang trudged off to Potions.

I took my seat in potions and childishly moved my chair away as far as the desk would allow from Remus's. I was such a kid. But I could play jerk too.

So we sat there in complete silence except for the scraping of quills. I was having trouble with the questions on the board and hesitated. Remus was going through them easily and quickly. I saw him write down the number 8in the corner of my eye while I was still stuck on question 5.

Wow, not studying with Remus was damaging my progress in class- but it was doing nothing to his. Something hurt in my chest, was he just fine without me- had he literally just cut me out so easily? I mean I couldn't study nearly half as much as i used to without missing him or doodling or getting distracted or by putting it off.

Was he just fine? I watched him work out of the corner of my eye. He looked just fine.

I don't know why that annoyed me so much. I tried to focus and by the end of the lesson I was on question 9 and he was on question 14. As he moved to pack up I hid my parchment quickly so he wouldn't see how little I'd done-the last thing I want him to think is that I'm stupid and dependant on him to actually work.

What? What happened to not caring about what he thought Gwen! My stupid mind can't even focus.

My parchment fell out slightly though and I knew he saw it. I glared at him though I was angry at myself. No, I was angry at him too. He gave me a pitying look- pity!

Oh, I hate him.

Know-it-all-lupin.

The bell rang. I stormed out and away from him and the classroom when I bumped into someone tall. I fell to the ground with an 'oomph'. My books scattered everywhere. Great.

'Gwen?' A happy low gruff called. I recognised the voice and saw Andrew from the year above, sixth year, kneeling down to help pick up my books. His brown hair fell into his eyes as we reached for the same books and accidentally touched, his hand covering mine.

He chuckled at the contact and handed me my books, 'Will we only ever talk because of books?' It was true the first time was when he gave me my transfiguration book, the second because I had lost a book and was trying to find it and now this.

I laughed remembering. 'That does seem to be the way…' I stood up, 'Sorry about the crash- I wasn't looking where I was going.'

He shrugged and re-adjusted his shoulder bag on his shoulder smiling, 'You know since this book thing seems to be a trend, maybe we should investigate it more, like at hogsmeade tomorrow- we could meet up at the bookshop just to be clear.' He smiled.

Wait. Was Andrew asking me to Hogsmeade with him?

'What'd you say?' he urged.

I nodded dazed, 'okay. That sounds like fun.'

He grinned and raked a hand through his dark brown hair. He leaned in and whispered, 'It's a date. See you at the bookshop at 11.00AM Gwen' and walked off smirking smugly.

Lily was at my side instantly grinning like a Cheshire cat, 'Who in merlin's name was that? And why did I hear the words: hogsmeade, date, 11.00AM and tomorrow?!' Marlene giggled as she walked past.

I shrugged, wondering if anything that happened was real anymore. A sixth year- who I'd spoke to in all of 3 conversations asked me to hogsmeade.

Dorcas grabbed my arm and pulled me away from lily and to the side, 'What was that?' but she didn't look happy, she looked confused and disappointed.

'What? What's wrong?' I said confusion setting in.

'Why are you going to hogsmeade with this 'Andrew'? I thought you liked Remus?'

I stared at her shocked while her expression turned to amused and she raised her eyebrows. How can she know that- think that- I mean I only just really discovered it for myself like this morning!

Ah ha! You admit it!

No, shut up little annoying voice.

I pulled my arm out of Dorcas' tight grip, 'I think you misheard- I said I 'hate' Remus. Hate. Commonly defined as the opposite of Love. Opposite- Hate. Which I do to Remus. Hate.'

Dorcas sighed, 'Never become a spy. Gwen you are possibly the most pathetic liar I've ever seen, you can't even lie to yourself about what you feel. You like him Gwen.' She told me smiling.

'Well, you know what- that's kind of a dead end isn't it? Remus hates me.' I said angry that she'd basically made me admit to something that I couldn't do anything about.

Dorcas frowned, 'Well how is dating 'Andrew' going to fix that?'

'We aren't dating. We're going to a bookshop together. And who said I wanted to fix that anyway. Remus doesn't so nor do i.'

Dorcas frowned and said, 'I wouldn't be so sure…'

I snapped my eyes to hers, 'What?'

'I think he looked a little weird just now.' She muttered thinking back.

'He saw that- that thing with Andrew?!' I groaned.

Dorcas smirked at me in a very non-dorcas way, 'I thought you didn't care..'

'I don't' I said stubbornly. 'So when you say 'weird'?'

Dorcas laughed, 'You're terrible! I don't know he just watched you two and then when Andrew whispered into your ear he went all pale and sad and then clenched his fists and angrily walked away followed by his 'marauders'. '

Pale and sad and then clenched his fists and angrily walked away.

'What emotion is all that?' I muttered. I shook her shoulder slightly, 'What does this all mean Dorceey!'

She giggled and pushed me away, 'It means that you are clearly and utterly in love with him Gwenzy and that I think we're going to be late for herbology.' She said while looking at her watch anxiously.

We started running.

* * *

_**Hehehehe I really like including Jily now. And Remus? what was that about? **_

_**So: POLL=**_

_**Andrew? Remus? Amos? WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR?!**_

_**Drop me a review. **_


	18. Chapter 20: A warning

_**Well, HERE IS THE UPDATE! Thank you for reviewing and reading. As you have been patient with the angst and drama- I thought I'd throw in a little confrontation... Enjoy.**_

_**Disclaimer: J .K. Rowling has the power. She created all these characters except Gwen (mine) and Andrew (mine). **_

_**Okay. Now, you're free to read. Go wild.**_

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Chapter 21: A warning

I stood in the Quidditch stands later that day and followed Amos with my eyes. I knew that he had no idea where the snitch was; he was just diving every now and again to stop the Ravenclaw from his calculating scanning of the pitch. The Hufflepuff chasers were getting creamed though. The Ravenclaws were playing as though they weren't even there.

'Gwen!' Lily said next to me. I think she's been calling my name for a while now. Whoops

'Sorry Lilzebob- I'm into the game' I said by way of an apology. She waved it off.

'I know, I just wanted to let you know that- that boy- Andrew, is watching you.' I looked at where she had indicated and saw Andrew. He grinned at me. I waved at him as was quite far away from me.

Someone stomped on my foot, hard.

'OW' I jumped looking for the culprit. Sirius Black had appeared next to me wrapped in his Gryffindor scalf and holding a sign that said 'All Houses that Aren't Gryffindor Suck'. How the hell does he keep popping up, he was definitely not here a second ago.

'You?!' I accused. Then I snorted at the sign smiling. Of course he would have that.

'Oh sorry there, Gwenzy' He said as he came to stand beside me, looking over at the players, he continued: 'I suppose I was looking somewhere else instead. I should definitely be careful with where I look'

I realised he was glaring at Andrew and that his words were blatantly meant for me. 'Oh and why is that?'

He seemed a little shocked at my words then he frowned, 'I wouldn't want to hurt someone. Someone that I know I really don't want to hurt'. He said trying to drill meaning into the words.

'Why don't you like Andrew?' I said through my teeth.

'He's a git, he uses girls, and he'll use you.' Sirius said getting irritated.

I gaped- attractively I'm sure-, 'What?'

'James and I have seen him before, he's worse than' He hesitated, 'He's worse than me'

I laughed at how weird honesty sounded coming from him. Wait, was he being honest? But Andrew is so nice.

'It's true.' James voice said next to me. Where the hell had he come from? 'Hi Lily' He said as he saw lily next to me staring wide-eyed at him.

'Where did you two come from? I just looked over there- there was no-one near us?' She said.

James and Sirius shared a quick look and shrugged in unison. 'Well, we should go back to _Remus_.' He directed the word at me.

They left. Dorcas looked at me concernedly. Then she looked at Andrew. Andrew was looking at us worriedly.

'I don't believe it' I said stubbornly. Andrew was kind and nice and the first person to ever ask me out; even if it was to a bookstore. There seemed to be nothing wrong with him at all. What's more- why should I even believe anything those two say: this could be some prank or something. I mean they were glaring at me all that time…

Dorcas rolled her eyes at me, 'Well, I still agree with what he said. You shouldn't like Andrew. You should be looking down there.' She pointed down the stands and I saw Remus was sat there barely watching Amos.

'Please leave it Dorcas' I muttered. Okay, so maybe I liked Remus but that something I was going to have to quickly get over. I could not be with Remus like that. Or like anything even.

I fixed my eyes to the game just in the second that Amos snatched the snitch. Both teams cheered. Hufflepuff had caught the snitch but Ravenclaw had still won by 40.

Andrew ran to catch up with us as we walked back into school, 'Gwen?'

'Oh hey Andrew' I looked at him

'So, I know our date is this Saturday'

'tomorrow yes.'

'Okay, just checking you were still on board.' He said with relief.

So he had seen Sirius and James talking to me and thought they'd say something that would make me ditch him. They did try to do that of course- but why was he worried?

'Shouldn't I be?'

'Oh ha, I just worried. A lot of competition out there.' Then he ran off.

'Right.' I muttered.

Dorcas and Marlene were still in the common room while Lily and I had walked to the dorm. 'I need to speak to you.'

'Spill' I said as I opened our dorm door.

I heard a sudden shuffle and the curtains on my bed moved with the wind from the door. I frowned into the room, something was different. My bed was a mess. I mean it was always a mess but now it had all my books on it.

I groaned, my shelf had fallen down spilling the books everywhere. The wood lay on my bed. That would take ages to put back up. I said this to Lily who rolled her eyes.

Lily pulled out her wand and shook it at me pointedly before muttering something. I watched the shelf fly back onto the wall.

'Huh. I forgot about magic' I said surprised at myself. I'm such an idiot. 'Thanks. I take it the books..?' I'm also lazy.

Lily shook her head, 'Sorry, you ordered them in preference and I can't do that.'

I walked over and started stacking them back on the shelf slowly trying to remember which order they went in. Lily flopped on her bed. 'So, you wanted to talk…'

Lily's cheeks went pink and she said, 'It doesn't matter. It can wait.'

I narrowed my eyes at her. I had come to see that _that _blush was now recently reserved for a certain potter. 'Potter Problems?' I said almost laughing, it was still strange that her feelings had flipped 180 degrees. Super strange. She blushed harder.

For a second I thought I heard a gasp. I looked around. Nothing. I'm going bonkers. Slowly but surely. 'yes well I was just thinking about the winter ball and I was thinking that if James Potter did ask me, I mean he hasn't yet, but if he did…well, I was just thinking-'

'Lily thinking. There's a shocker' Marlene called as she came into the room. Lily gave me a look which meant immediate conversation change. I raised my eyebrows like I didn't understand. She mock glared at me.

'So what were you girlies talking about?' Marlene called as she flopped onto her bed.

Lily gave me a desperate look, I smirked. 'Lily was thinking that Peter Pettigrew is kind of cute. But she doesn't know how to break it to Potter.' I am so evil. Lily looked like she wanted to kill me. I heard a snort from somewhere in the room, I turned and saw Marlene looking at Lily like she was insane.

Lily's angry face only made it look like she was mad at me for telling. I chuckled. Lily mock glared at me, 'That is NOT true.'

Marlene raised her eyebrows at us and started chuckling. 'When you could have Potter why would you take Pettigrew?' she said more to herself than to us.

I raised my eyebrows at Lily, 'Yeah, Why lily?'

She threw a book at me.

Marlene was seemingly bored with the conversation. 'I think I'll do a poll. Gwen: Pettigrew or Potter?'

'why? Fine. Potter' I said. I put another book on my shelf.

Marlene expected that, her eyes went twinkly as she said, 'Black or Potter?'

'Potter.' I said. I put the final book on my shelf.

'Oh. I'm sensing a trend. Gwen, Potter or…' she leant forward on her bed, 'Remus Lupin.'

I gulped. Crap. 'Why are we doing this?' I muttered, 'I still can't find that Monsters book you know.' I said as I looked at my books and readjusted the order slightly.

Marlene laughed, 'Gwen!'

'Lupin.' I said looking at my books.

She didn't seem surprised with my response.

Dorcas walked in then.

Marlene continued, 'Okay, Lily: Sirius or James?'

Lily looked uncomfortable. 'Neither.' She said and went into the bathroom.

Liar. I smirked at her as she past.

Marlene looked at Dorcas: 'Potter or Black?'

'Black.' Dorcas replied. I gave her a shocked look, she stuck her tongue out, 'what? He's pretty.'

Then she grinned as she understood what we were playing. 'Oh I have one for you Gwen...'

Don't you dare, I sent her mentally through my glare. It didn't work.

'Remus Lupin or Andrew...What's his last name?' She said.

'I don't know his last name. I'll go ask him' I said as I ran out.

I didn't have to turn around to know they were both smirking.

Funnily enough I didn't find Andrew Last-name –unknown. I couldn't find him. Anywhere. Plus I couldn't ask anyone because I didn't know who his friends were either.

'Who are you Andrew Last-name-unknown?'

'Gwen?' someone called behind me.

I turned but it wasn't Andrew, it was someone altogether more surprising. 'What do you want Lupin? Don't you have a corridor to disappear into?' I was still mad at him. For various reasons.

He winced slightly, ''i understand why you hate me-you should but..'

'I don't hate you Lupin! I'm confused. I'm angry at you! Why have you been avoiding me?'

'I haven't'

Lies 'Goodbye Lupin.' I turned to leave.

His hand caught my arm, stopping me, and I gasped in a breath as my stomach flipped in a way that should make me feel sick, but didn't. Merlin, why am I so stupid? 'No, wait please Gwen. Don't do that.'

I sighed trying to force down all the feelings as his hand still lingered on my arm. But I was still mad, and upset. 'What? Walk away? Not hear you out? Run away when you want to talk to me? Oh, wait-that's your job right?' I glared at him.

'I'm, I'm sorry Gwen.' I looked into his eyes; He looked like he meant it. But he wasn't going to change anything though. I sighed.

'I'm sorry too Lupin doesn't change anything though.' He'd still avoid me. Our friendship was still broken. Made worse by these stupid fuzzy feelings I got when I looked at him now. I needed to escape. I turned back around and walked again.

'Wait… I can explain.' He hesitated.

I stopped again; I really did want him to explain though I knew he really wouldn't. 'Go ahead.'

'I'm…I'm…Can't we just be friends?' just be friends. The way he said that- did he know about my other feelings for him? Had that been what this was all about? He just didn't like me that way. But that, that doesn't make sense since I didn't even know that I liked him in that way back then. Had he forseen it? No, yes. Maybe. I couldn't think.

'Lupin, I have to go.' I said quietly. He winced again.

'Don't call me Lupin. Call me Remus. Please Gwen. Don't leave again.'

'I can't do this. _You _don't get to do this Lupin. It's not fair.' How can he avoid me and be mean to me but then want me to stay and endure this. This secretive reserved not quite friendship.

'I'm sorry Gwen' he said as though trying to get me to name a famous painting while I looked at the blank Canvas.

'Stop apologising.' I muttered. He looked like he was in pain.

'Sorry' he whispered trying to make me smile as a smile tugged his own lips. My heart melted and fluttered. NO.

'I have to go…'

'Wait, Is Andrew going with you to Hogsmeade?' I blinked shocked. What does that have to do with anything?

'Yeah, why?' His face fell then his jaw locked.

'He's a jerk' Remus crossed his arms over his chest angrily. Why did everyone keep saying that?!

'And you're not?' I questioned while giving a dry laugh.

He didn't say anything but just looked at the floor near my feet.

'You lied to me. You keep lying to me. You can't even stop. I thought we were friends.'

He looked up, 'We are' he said confidently.

'ha. we're not. Friends talk to each other Lupin. We hadn't spoken properly for ages now.'

'Please don't call me Lupin. Call me Remus Gwen'

'Why? I don't know you-I don't know hardly anything about you Lupin. You've made it pretty clear that I'm not supposed to.'

'For your own safety. I'm Dangerous. You could get hurt.' he blurted.

'See, there we go, what does that mean?' Remus was the furthest thing from dangerous I'd ever seen.

His eyes widened as he noted what he'd slipped. He still wasn't going to tell me- even now.

'And as for getting hurt. I don't see how this way is any better.'

I walked out.

'Gwen, I'm so sorry' a whisper caught me as I walked out.

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_**Sheesh, well that was eventful.**_

_**Hey, what'd you think of Sirius' sign ?(sorry if you aren't a Gryffindor. well, not really hehe)**_

_**And that little comparison game with the marauders - hmm, I reckon their audience was a little larger than they originally thought... but I mean I wrote it so - what am I talking about? **_

_**Review please- I want to make it to 40 before I post a new chapter ;) Tell me what you think and Keep Reading. **_


	19. Chapter 21: The Truth (Two days)

_**A/N hey, i'm sorry about taking so long to update- but I've been sleeping at weird hours lately as i'm on my holidays now and well, I don't really like the idea of posting an update at like, 2 AM. **_

_**Thanks for the Reviews guys, it seriously means a lot. Really, Thanks.**_

_**Okay, FINALLY there is a chapter that gets us somewhere. You'll see. Read on beautiful Harry Potter fans- read on.**_

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Chapter 21: The Truth (Two days)

'Two days to go girls.' Dorcas muttered miserably as she walked into our dorm. We were all there apart from Lily.

'Yay' I called sarcastically throwing my hands up in the air.

Marlene rolled her eyes at me, 'What makes you think Andrew won't ask you? I mean you are going to Hogsmeade with him later, right?'

Wait what? I'd totally forgotten about that. 'Oh merlin I totally spaced. What time am I supposed to be there?' I jumped off my bed and ran to my trunk pulling out some clothes that I hadn't bothered to unpack. I prayed I wasn't late- I mean how could I forget about it, it was all I was thinking about yesterday.

Marlene frowned at me, 'You forgot? Babe, Are you sure you want to be going with this guy?'

'What? Yes, I think - why?'

'You think? Girl- you should definitely not be going.'

'Why not?' I frowned as I looked over at her. So I forgot, I have a terrible memory. It's forgivable surely?

She tutted at me, 'don't you ever listen to me: If you have to think about it, then you don't like the boy.'

I remembered her saying that the other day and laughed. 'That's ridiculous- You'd never fall in love with anyone if you aren't allowed to think about it'

'You didn't have a problem with it back then? And you still don't understand. When you like someone, I mean really like someone you won't have time to wonder if they are the right one – to think and consider- your mind'll already be telling you and showing answers in your face. No thought necessary.' she shrugged as she used her wand to curl her blond hair.

I bit my lip and couldn't stop 'Remus' coming into my mind, all those times that I've accidently said that I had weird fuzzy feelings for him in my head. No, Marlene was wrong. It's a ridiculous philosophy.

'Well…' I hesitated forming an argument in my head.

'Did you find out his last name?' Dorcas chimed in interrupting what I'm sure would have been a great argument.

'Um, no. I couldn't find him actually.' But last names aren't really important, are they?

Marlene stared at me, 'You don't know anything about him. Except that his name is Andrew and that he's a Gryffindor. And what he looks like. For shame, Gwen, for shame.'

I bowed my head unwillingly, they were right; I didn't know anything about this boy. Dorcas bit her lip, 'Did you make up with Remus?'

'No.' I said raising my chin stubbornly. Her frown deepened.

'You should talk to him. Like, right now.' She hopped off her bed and dragged me through the common room and up the boy's stairs.

'Dorcas! No! Absolutely not! Merlin you are stronger than you look. Ow, okay stop. Seriously. Okay fine I'll talk to him if you let go!' I said. She rolled her eyes and dragged me to the seventh door.

'Do you think I was born yesterday? you'll just run away.' She said. She held my arm and knocked their door.

I froze as Sirius' voice boomed lazily, 'whoever you are: Go away!' from behind it.

I looked at Dorcas, 'They have spoken - better to do as they-' I made to run but she grabbed me back.

She knocked harder, 'It's Dorcas and Gwen.'

The door swung open. It was Sirius, he was topless. Figures.

'Hello ladies.' He waggled his eyebrows at us. Then he saw me and looked back into the room.

'We came to see Remus.' Dorcas said shaking her eyes from Sirius' bare chest. I rolled my eyes at her.

'But if he's not there then I guess we'll just go back-'I started off.

Dorcas' firm grip stopped me moving even an inch. I glared at her. She smiled back.

Sirius looked at us then opened the door, 'About time I guess, Come on in Gwenzy, and Dorky.'

Dorcas rolled her eyes but never the less pushed me, quite violently a third party spectator might add, into their room. It was messy and smelt of boy. Which made sense, of course. I saw that Remus was standing by the only neat bed that I assumed quickly was his.

'Hey Gwen.' He looked at the floor.

'Lupin' I nodded by way of unfriendly greetings. Dorcas stomped on my foot while James laughed from his bed. James sighed then grabbed something that looked like a robe from his trunk and gestured to Sirius and Peter, 'Well, we should probably go and leave you to it.' they walked to the door.

'Wait' Remus called and for a second I thought he would just leave with them rather than stay and talk to me but he just walked over and stopped them. I watched thoroughly confused as Remus grabbed the fabric James was holding, 'I'll take _that_ then. Since you're so very concerned about our privacy.' He shoved what I now saw as a silvery cloak into James' trunk.

James, Sirius, Peter and Dorcas left. Sirius and James were muttering about him being a buzz kill and ruining their fun. Remus glared at them. Dorcas gave me lily's 'Warning look' that meant I was to be good. She pulled it off pretty well which was surprising.

The left.

Leaving Remus and I. Alone.

'I'm sorry Remus.' I said after a long silence.

He looked up shocked, 'What? Why are _you_ sorry?'

'I'm sorry that I called you Lupin, I'm sorry that I was rude before when we spoke, I'm sorry that I jumped on you in the corridor and I'm sorry for making you avoid me in the first place, I'm even more sorry because I don't for the life of me know what I did to offend you. Which is pretty bad.' There was silence.

Remus seemed to be having some mental battle with himself judging by his changing facial expressions. It looked pretty funny but I'm sure that this wasn't the time.

I preoccupied myself by studying his dorm, the dorm of the notorious 'Marauders'. I'd never been in here before I don't think. They were very 'Gryffindor' true- well, at least one of them was. I looked at the messiest bed beside Remus neat one and saw that the walls around it held Gryffindor banners and Quidditch teams and then Muggle posters of women in provocative clothing. I rolled my eyes- If that wasn't Sirius' bed I'd eat my heart out.

My eyes fell to the bottom of the bed, down below the headboard I saw an opened trunk that was almost vomiting up his possessions all over the room. I followed the trail of belongings not at all surprised by the oddness of them or how random they were. There were normal things like clothes, socks, a comb, shoes, Gryffindor Quidditch robes, a broomstick caring kit then there were weird things like: a toothbrush, a box of feathers, a vial of blue liquid that was probably dangerous and a lot of sweet wrappers.

The trail led right down to my feet and I raised my eyebrows. A book. Huh, that was probably the most surprising of all the things Sirius owned and put in his trunk.

I looked at a book on the floor. 'The most terrifying Monsters to Walk the Wizarding World.' It was exactly the same as the one I have, well- had. I'd lost it somewhere in my dorm.

I bent down to pick it up, 'I have this book, but I lost it. Didn't get to finish. How far have you read?' I said and I opened it for a bookmark or something and a purple one fell out.

Remus' head snapped up and he gulped a big breath, 'No, Wait, Gwen!'

I looked at the bookmark as it feathered slowly towards the floor of their messy room. I recognised that bookmark. It was mine.

This was my book, 'er? Huh.' What? I looked up to see Remus staring wide eyed at me in horror.

What was happening? 'You, erm... took my book?' though it was probably Sirius or James. Maybe I left it in the common room and they found it. Maybe I was subject to some kind of prank by them. Bit of a boring prank though, taking my book. Not their style at all.

Remus' eyes were still wide with horror. I looked at the book in my hand and flicked through it seamlessly. Yes, this was mine, I recognised where I'd folded over the corners with my index figure absentmindedly as I'd read.

Why would they take my book?

'Gwen I'm a werewolf' Remus blurted into the silence just as my fingers flicked to the chapter title in my book, 'Werewolves'.

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***GASP* Merlin Remus! You can't just drop something like that on the poor girl...**

_**Yeah, I thought I'd be cruel and end the chapter here. Tell me what you think her reaction will be... **_

_**Review. **_

_**Next update coming soon. **_


	20. Chapter 22: You're a what?

_**Sorry about the slow update. I had attempted to give up reading fanfiction for the whole of August... well, I did not succeed. I lasted 6 days though and I see a victory in that by itself. Perhaps I should get help.. ah, but this you did not come to see..**_

_**THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLIFFHANGER AWAITS!**_

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_**And Thank you so much for all the reviews. You are a brilliant lot of readers, thank you so much for the support.**_

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Chapter 22: You're a what?

I looked up at him confusedly- did I just hear him right? I was looking at the chapter in the book and I thought for a second he said he was a werewolf- ha. It was pretty funny I decided to share it, I held up the book showing him the chapter title,

'Ha Remus, for a second I thought you just said you were a-' I looked at his stony face laced with pain, humiliation and shame. 'Werewolf' my voice caught in my throat at the word until my throat killed the word painfully.

His eyes were wide. My eyes were wider I'm sure.

What? Remus. Remus Lupin couldn't be… that didn't make any… wait a second-

'That's NOT funny Remus!' I reprimanded him sternly my hands shaking on the book slightly.

I looked at him, I waited for him to look guilty and say that it was a weak attempt to lighten the mood and clear the tense atmosphere in the room. I waited for him to tell me I heard wrong. To tell me I'm bonkers.

I really waited for him to deny it, to say anything that would mean he was lying. I waited.

But he didn't, he just watched as my hands got more and more shaky as the possibility dawned on me.

I'll prove for myself that he can't be a… be a… one of them: The full moons, he had to be in school. I mean I guess not like he…

_'He's at his mums, she's really sick'_ Peter's voice echoed through my mind.

_'The mail, we'd send it in the mail_' Sirius' voice chimed in.

_'Gwen nothing she can give me with do anything to help me'_ Remus' words tumbled into her head from when they had gone to the hospital wing all those days ago.

But, but- but. NO!

Impossible. All of a sudden I felt like I was little again, reading that book in the restricted section and hyperventilating alone in the dark library. I remembered the gruesome pictures I'd seen of werewolves in that damn book, Greyback's father killing those people. I saw the werewolves running round trying to bite children and snapping their parent's necks. I saw it all at once, my knees went numb and I blinked a couple of times.

'No, Remus. Stop it. You're lying.' I said to him, vigorously shaking my head at him. My voice came out breathy and I was certain I was going to faint. Little black dots hovered in thick coils at the side of my vision.

He watched me and I felt my skin crawl. The book fell out of my hand and onto the floor falling wide open, He stared widely at it and his face looked almost angry and pained. I followed his gaze- I saw a picture that made me almost gag right then; it was a picture of a werewolf like all the others I'd seen with blood in its teeth and evil in its eyes.

I looked up at Remus John Lupin, the boy that I thought I was in love with.

His eyes met mine.

'You can run' He whispered not moving at all. 'I won't run after you like that'.

I took a hesitant step back and watched the pain ripple across his face. It didn't fit, it didn't make any sense. I didn't understand.

I was supposed to hate him. Werewolves as a kind of rule should be hated for what they did. But, Remus.

Remus John Lupin.

I looked down at the book. My heartbeat thudded hard against my chest. I tried to say something but my throat swallowed the words and robbed them.

Before I could even properly register what was happening. I was running away.

* * *

...

...

He did not chase me, or at least I ran so quickly that he was unable. I was downstairs in less than 10 seconds and I crashed into a solid block.

'Ow!' I heard from my crash victim. 'Gwen?'

I couldn't say anything, I felt like I'd been winded. It took me a couple of seconds to actually _see _the person I had crashed into. It was Andrew.

He waved a hand in front of my eyes. 'Gwen! What were you doing up there? Looking for me?' he assumed as I didn't immediately respond. He gave a hearty chuckle apparently not picking up the radiating fear that was rippling off me in waves. He continued as I looked at him numbly, 'Sorry 'bout that. I've been waiting for you down here... Ready to go?!' He said excitedly and twisted our arms together like he was escorting me.

My mind was still fuzzy and black spots still hid at the sides of my vision, 'Go?' I asked my voice rough and my throat coarse. I was so confused- where were we going?

'Our trip to Hogsmeade silly. I know I said I'd meet you there but- well, we're both here so..' Hogsmeade? We were getting away from here?

That was good right?

Was it?

My foggy head nodded.

I let him pull my out of the common room.

* * *

_**ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER because I'm in a 'dun dun dun!' kind of mood and want to torture you a little. Because i'm evil like that.**_

_**What a poor time for Andrew to show up ready for their date... or are some of you thinking that it was a perfect time? **_

_**Tell me your reaction to her reaction. I know that a lot of you didn't want her to give in too easily and I thought it be unrealistic for her to get over it in a matter of seconds...**_

_**But what will happen next? **_


	21. Chapter 23: Thinking

**_Well, it's been a week since the last update and I feel a little bit guilty. A lot of the reviews are sympathising with Remus- which I get. Thanks for reviewing by the way, haha- some of them made me laugh- like how Gwen needs a slap and Andrew needs to just go somewhere._**

**_Let's see how their date went shall we?_**

* * *

CHAPTER 23: Thinking

Andrew was talking as we walked, his hot hand grabbing mine, but for the life of me I didn't know what he was saying. Not from lack of trying of course, but my brain wouldn't hold the information- his words just became noises that rambled on and on like a background buzz to me.

My thoughts wouldn't let me wander. Wouldn't let me hear him. They were screaming at me over everything.

The noise of the happy oblivious Andrew, the clippety clop of people's shoes on the ground, the muttering of wizards walking by, the crows of overhead birds, the rustle of the wind- It was suddenly droned, and muffled. And it left me to my thoughts.

Trapping me in what had happened, what I'd seen before, what I _knew_ now.

Remus.

I was screaming at myself. Inside I was arguing and crying; I was shaking in fear and fainting. I was in denial and I was shaking my head; I was hyperventilating and I was shocked-

But outside? Outside I felt grubby and numb. Hollow even as Andrew moved me through the streets talking.

I tried to hear him. I'd recovered enough to realise that this was our 'date'. He was laughing, I laughed like I knew what he was saying. He smiled at me and talked again.

Remus John Lupin was a Werewolf.

I entertained a thought: What am I going to do?! This is so dangerous- where is he going for his full moon? Off the school grounds, surely!? He could murder people, he could snap their necks and change them. What was Dumbledore THINKING?! Letting _that_ into the-

Wait.

What?

_That. _

Him. I meant him.

But did you?

He's a werewolf! He's Dangerous! You've seen what werewolves are capable of- you've seen it. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CAN DO! What should I do? Does Dumbledore even know? He must know. He must. If Miss Pomfrey knows then he must know. Should I warn people, tell him, tell Andrew, tell people- because Remus is a werewolf and everyone could be in danger?

I winced. That didn't feel right.

Suddenly Andrew had stopped us and he was tugging off his jacket, he put it around my shoulders. He'd misunderstood the wince I figured somehow in the scattered mess of my mind. I think I smiled at him. I couldn't tell, I felt suddenly like my body didn't belong to me- like I wasn't attached to it.

I figured I was in shock. I must've been. I couldn't feel my fingertips. And I suddenly couldn't feel Andrews either- but looking down blurrily, I saw his hand was indeed holding onto mine. This was a date and I couldn't even focus.

Remus. My mind repeated his name over and over again.

Was he going to hurt me now that I knew? 'Shut me up'?

I winced again, no- that didn't sound right either.

_Remus would never hurt me. _I blinked at the thought. I entertained it.

Remus was a prefect, he was my friend, he was nice and kind and funny and he read lots of books. He loved chocolate and never went anywhere without it though he never put on weight from it. He was a marauder and he liked to laugh. He hated flying and liked his feet on the ground. He raked his hair back with his hand because he was so used to be around 2 people who did it so regularly. He smiled.

I chuckled out loud and it broke into the air suddenly. And I heard a bird overhead.

Remus smiled all the time, he smiled when he pretended to be mad at me, when he was confused, when he was thinking, when he saw people. He smiled so much. He had a nice smile, it matched him. Who he was.

Who was he?

Were all those things I knew about him, were they lies? I pondered it.

No, no- they were genuine. Genuine things; Genuine smiles.

But he was a werewolf?

But he's still all those things.

My mind hurt and I stopped suddenly. Andrew had a concerned look on his face as he looked at me. I couldn't feel my face to know what expression it held.

Andrew's voice got louder but it was still a muffled drone. My head was fuzzy again. I was going to be sick. I was going to faint. I was going to-

'I need to sit down' I said into the air of hogsmeade. Suddenly Andrew was leading me into hogshead and he plonked me down on a bench. His face was right in front of mine.

He was saying something frantically but I didn't know what it was. I was thinking about Remus. I needed to think this through. I needed to figure this out.

Remus. Tell me about Remus. Who is Remus?

Remus was good.

Remus is a werewolf.

Werewolves are bad.

But Remus is not bad.

Remus is good.

And suddenly I heard everything. Like someone had unmuted the silence in the hogshead and there was a crash of sound as it blasted into my ears. I heard the loud scrape of a chair peeling back. I heard the loud cackling laugh of witches in the corner around the bar, I heard a hearty voice chuckle close by and I heard Andrew speaking urgently.

'Gwen? Gwen! Please answer me! Something? Anything?! I don't know what to do? Tell me what to do?!'

Suddenly I was standing up. 'Andrew, excuse me a moment' I said to him.

And then I was running. I was running back to Hogwarts. I didn't know why I was doing this or whether or not Andrew had stayed in the hogshead because I didn't look back. All I was thinking was that I can't believe I ran away.

The pain that rippled across his features as I took that step back. I was so scared of werewolves but maybe I should erm, hear him out? I shouldn't have ran away.

Remus was like the perfect example of what 'good' would be-kind, funny, follows rules (mostly) works hard, good morals. Werewolves are bad- My parents had always told me so, everyone thinks so. They were uncontrollable- animals? Right? Remus was a werewolf. My mind was scrambled but I saw Hogwarts over the hill and soon enough I was running up the steps to the common room. It was like something had taken over me and it was too quick for my mind to tell it to stop.

'Gwen? What are you doing here? I thought you were-' I ran passed Dorcas as she came out the portrait hole carrying three heavy old books.

'GWEN! Stop her!' Sirius' voice hissed as I ran through the common room. My mind frenzied but my body ignored him and sped up the boy's staircase.

'SHE'S GOING FOR REMUS!' James growled and he was running after me too.

Seventh door. Seventh door. Ah. I heard loud footsteps behind me: Sirius and James and Peter. I found their door and threw it open. I ran inside to face a real life version of my boggart.

* * *

**_AND THEN?! _**

**_*gasp*_**

**_Yes, _**

**_I _****really **am**_going to stop the chapter here. _**

**_Well, please Review and I hoped you liked it- I've never been in shock before – like that, so I hope I got the just of what it's like for her. SO Please tell me what you're thinking._**

**_Update coming within the week. Keep an eye out. _**


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